


The Mess That We Made

by lost_in_the_in_between



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Awkward Sexual Situations, Connor Lives AU, Cussing, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hopefully In Character?, Idiotic Boys, Jared Gets a Backstory, Jared's Dad is Not Nice, M/M, Male OC for Plot Purposes!, Pining, References to BMC Characters, Self-Esteem Issues, Social Anxiety, Tags May Change, but no smut, evan is bi, jared is gay, jared-centric, the insanely insecure jared kleinman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-11 11:51:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11147817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lost_in_the_in_between/pseuds/lost_in_the_in_between
Summary: Jared loved his mom. He would do anything for her most of the time, but he could not keep indulging her by going out on blind dates with the sons of her friends. He knew she meant well and wanted him to be happy, but this was agonizing. Jared would rather stab his eye out with a fork than have to go on one more ‘our moms think we’re losers who can’t find love’ date.





	1. Chapter One

“Jerry, I really think you’d like him! He’s a lawyer!”

“He’s a lawyer? Mom, how old is this guy?!” Jared frowned as he tossed the last of his dirty clothes into the washing machine at the end of the hall. He shut the lid awkwardly, attempting to keep his phone pressed tightly in between his shoulder and ear.

“...Okay, so maybe he’s not a lawyer _yet_ , but he’s going to be! He’s pre-law at Columbia!” Wincing slightly at his mother’s excited tone, he grabbed the phone and used his other hand to readjust his glasses.

“Columbia University? In New York?” He questioned, actually considering the possibility for a brief moment. It was only about a two-hour drive from here, which wasn’t ideal, but at least it would give Jared a good excuse to go into the city more often. The pre-law part was sort of a downer, though. The guy was probably over-confident and arrogant and Jared could _not_ put up with that. He knew his own ego could be a lot sometimes; there was no way he could ever date someone as cocky as himself.

“...Columbia College. In Missouri.”

“No.”

“Jerry, you haven’t even met him! Give him a chance-”

“Mom, the last three guys you’ve tried to set me up with have been horrible. I don’t care how lovely or whatever the ladies at your book club are, their sons are the worst.”

Jared loved his mom. He would do anything for her most of the time, but he could not keep indulging her by going out on blind dates with the sons of her friends. He knew she meant well and wanted him to be happy, but this was agonizing. Jared would rather stab his eye out with a fork than have to go on one more _‘our moms think we’re losers who can’t find love'_   date.

“Josh wasn’t so bad!”

“Mom, Josh got back together with his fiance. At dinner. While I was there. He ran into her and they both started crying and made out across from me in the booth. I’m still traumatized.”

Shuddering, Jared leaned against the washing machine and raked a hand through his short hair. How could he get out of this? His mom wasn’t going to take no for an answer, he already knew that. She would find some way to sneakily get What’s-His-Name-From-Missouri to meet him at some restaurant and he’d be forced to sit through two hours of some guy’s life story and why he felt the need to be a lawyer. It was probably some bullshit answer like he wanted to _save the children_ or something. He needed a way out and quick.

“Look, I know you don’t always enjoy these, but maybe it’s just because you haven’t found the right man yet! Nadine’s son is smart and he seems so nice. I just wish you would give him a chance, bud. One date?” Fuck, fuck, fuck. Okay, he needed to think of an excuse. She was playing the _‘I’m concerned for you, just do this for me, please_ ’ card and he always gave into that.

“Besides, it’s not like you’re dating anyone or anything,” She added with a chuckle. His mouth fell open, ready to retort that she wasn’t seeing anyone either so she should back off, when it clicked. This was it. This was how he was going to get out of it.

“I am, though.”

His mother’s laughter stopped abruptly and she was quiet for a minute.

“You...what? You’re seeing someone?” She asked, cautiously. “Who?”

Shit, he hadn’t thought that far. He could just make up a name or give her the name of a random classmate. It would be easy enough. But then she might look them up on Facebook and try to message them or something. God, that would be so humiliating. No, he needed someone who would agree to pretend to be his boyfriend. His roommate, Rich, already had a boyfriend or he would ask him. Connor, well...his mom wouldn’t buy that for a second. The two fought like cats and dogs; she would know he was lying. That just left Evan.

Evan Hansen, his best friend since they were three years old. Yes, they had been in a rough patch for pretty much all of high school, but they had managed to work things out once Jared had gotten over his constant need to be liked and had apologized for his shitty behavior. Now they were going to the same college, and even though they didn’t share a room, they spent most of their time together, either working on homework or playing video games. They talked at least once a day, whether that was in person or online, and they ate together at least a few times a week. He was absolutely perfect.

Except Heidi was Jared’s mother’s best friend. They didn’t see one another or talk as much as Jared and Evan, but he knew as soon as Jared said Evan was his boyfriend, his mother would call Heidi to squeal over it. Would Evan be okay with that?

Probably.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Oh well.

“...Evan, Mom. Uh, I’m dating - I’m dating Evan.”

 _"HANSEN?_ You’re dating Evan Hansen?!” His mother screeched, making Jared jerk the phone away from his ear.

“Ow, Mom! _Yes_ , I’m dating Evan Hansen,” Sighing, Jared wondered briefly if this had been a mistake. No, nope. It was going to be fine － it would get his mom off of his back for a while, and it would make her and Heidi happy. He’d worry about the other consequences later.

“Why didn’t you say anything earlier? When did this happen? How did this happen? How long has this been going on? Does Heidi know?”

“Ma, I’ll tell you more later. I’m going to go meet him for a date now,” lied Jared, rubbing the back of his neck. Shit. He was going to have to figure out the details with Evan...once he told Evan. “But no, I don’t think Heidi knows. Let Evan tell her, okay?”

“Okay, okay! Fine. Have fun! Love you! Jerry, I’m so happy for you,” She gushed, making his gut twist briefly. Nodding even though she couldn’t see, he smiled softly.

“Um, yeah. Thanks, Mom. Talk to you later,” He hung up, taking a deep breath.

He was so fucked.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared forgets something important: Evan.

Jared meant to tell Evan about the whole _‘my mom totally thinks we’re together'_ thing. He really did, honestly, but it sort of just slipped his mind.

Despite them having only been back for about a month, Jared was up to his glasses in assignments. It wasn’t that hard, but he had always been a procrastinator and now he was beginning to pay for it.

Homework, however, was not an excuse to forget to mention to his best friend that his mother thought they were a romantic item. Jared realized that shortly after he heard frantic knocking on the door of his dorm room at ten o’clock at night. Rich had already gone out to hang out with some high school friends and Jared knew not to expect him back until midnight at the earliest. So, unless Rich forgot something important, it had to have been one of Jared’s friends.

It had to be Evan. No one else would be that eager for him to open the door.

Glancing through the peephole, his suspicions were confirmed. Evan looked anxious, which wasn’t exactly surprising. He looked more anxious than usual though, like he needed to talk to Jared about something important right this second. Sighing, Jared swung open the door right as Evan went to knock again. Thankfully, the taller of the two didn’t accidentally punch Jared, though he did sheepishly lower his hand and begin clutching the hem of his hoodie tightly.

“Jesus, Evan. What’s got you so wound up this time?” Jared asked, leaning against his own door frame. Evan’s mouth opened once, then closed and opened again. His eyes darted around both the hall outside and Jared’s room, looking anywhere but Jared himself.

“I - um. Y-You...you,” He stuttered, his hands continuing the attack the cotton-blended fabric.

Jared stepped back, grabbing one of Evan’s hands to tug him gently into the room. Once they were inside, Jared closed the door and nudged Evan towards his bed. He sat in his desk chair and waited for Evan to express whatever was bothering him so much.

“Youtoldmymomweweredating?” He finally exclaimed, his face a vibrant, blotchy red.

Oh, right.

“No, I told _my_ mom we were dating,”  Jared corrected. “I should have said something to you earlier.”

That was as close to an apology as Evan was going to get right now and they both knew it. Jared did feel bad, though, as he watched Evan’s breathing become erratic.

“But － but! We aren’t!” Evan hissed through clenched teeth.

Shit, he looked bad. When had Evan started crying? Jared had no idea how he was supposed to fix this. Evan hadn’t had an anxiety attack around him in years, and back then Jared had just been a dick about them. Now he knew he needed to be gentle and kind, not sarcastic and rude.

“Hey, I’m sorry! I know, I’ll explain, just－” Jared said, trying to sound calm. Standing, he took a few steps forward but Evan just scooted back onto his bed further.

_"No!_ N-No, um. I don’t...I don’t r-really like being touched. When I’m...I’m…” Evan gestured to vaguely to himself, and Jared felt his stomach clench. Evan was freaking out and crying because Jared had lied and had dragged Evan into it and Jared couldn’t even comfort him. Great.

“Alright, I’m sorry. Um, just...breath, okay? With me. In, two, three, four...hold it, two, three, four, five, six...out, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Good, um. Do that again, okay?” Jared shoved his glasses further up the bridge of his nose, frowning as Evan worked on getting his breathing under control. Once it was finally a normal rhythm, Jared let out a sigh of relief and sat back down.

Evan looked exhausted and stressed out and Jared felt like an asshole.

“Evan, I should have told you earlier. I just...my mom keeps setting me up with the weird, lame sons of women in her book club and I’m so sick of it. So, I lied and said we were dating to get her off my back. I should have asked you first, but I assumed you’d be okay with it,” Jared explained, drumming his fingers on his knee. Evan stared at him, his brow furrowing in confusion.

“But...but, why? Why me? Um, and why can’t you just tell your mom that you don’t want to go out with them?”

“You’ve met my mom! You know she doesn’t take no for an answer!” Jared retorted, crossing his arms in frustration. His mother was certainly a force to be reckoned with. Evan was still frowning slightly, but he looked like he was beginning to understand.

“So...you, um, you said that _we_ were dating?” Evan questioned, biting his lip.

Standing, Jared crossed to the mini fridge on Rich’s side of the room. Shoving the energy drinks and a few bottles of Mountain Dew Red to the side, Jared grabbed a water bottle from the back. He would just buy Rich another later.

“Yeah. It's just...we already hang out so much, and I know you aren't seeing anyone. Plus, it makes my mom happy and I'm willing to bet Heidi is over the moon. I mean, she _does_ love me,” Jared joked smugly. He handed the bottle to Evan, who finally cracked a small, tired smile and wiped his eyes.

“She, um, she _was_ pretty h-happy. When she told me that April said we were...we were dating.” He admitted, unscrewing the cap and taking a small sip.

“Of course she was. I _am_ the insanely cool Jared Kleinman,” Jared grinned, earning an eye roll from Evan. “So, what do you say? Want to be my fake boyfriend?”

Evan laid the water bottle beside him and played with the strings of his hoodie, a thoughtful expression on his face. His hands tugged on the strings, twisting them and rolling them between his fingers. Finally, he looked back up at Jared.

“Um, if I...if I say yes. What does － what does that mean?”

“What do you mean?” Jared asked, raising his eyebrows.

“I mean, w-what’s the plan for all of this?”

Well, Jared hadn’t exactly gotten that far. He knew he wanted his mom to let things go, but what was his long-term objective? For them to keep dating forever? They would have to stage a fake break-up at some point.

“Uh, we date for a few weeks or something? And then we just tell our moms we decided we were better off as friends?” Jared suggested.

It could work. They would have the keep the timeline short, though, to avoid their moms getting too invested in their relationship. Hopefully, Jared could play it off like he was still interested in Evan when his mom tried to set him up again in a month or two. He could play the pining romantic angle for a while, which meant no awkward dates for a few months at least.

“...Okay.”

Jared glanced over at Evan, honestly a little surprised he had agreed to it. It was a good plan, but Evan didn’t owe Jared anything.

“Really? You’re sure?” He asked. “And don’t just say yes because you want me to be happy. I can find someone else if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Evan chewed on the end of one of the strings, nodding his head. He pulled it out of his mouth and Jared tried not to grimace at the spit-covered cord.

“Yes. Um, like you － like you said. It makes my mom happy too and your mom won’t bother you. It’s a good plan.” He nodded again, making Jared grin.

“Great! Alright, we need to go over some stuff, but that can wait,” He looked at his watch, noticing that it was beginning to get late. Rich would be back soon, and Connor, who shared a room with Evan, was probably beginning to wonder where he had gone.

“What stuff?”

“Oh － like when we got together, who asked who out, that sort of stuff. We can meet tomorrow or something and go over it,” Jared suggested, standing. He held out a hand to Evan, trying not to frown at the other boy’s sweaty palms as he helped him up.

“Oh, right. Um, y-yeah. Tomorrow works,” Evan nodded, looking sort of like a bobble head. Jared fought the urge to laugh at the comparison.

“Alright. Uh, do you want me to walk you back to your dorm? It’s pretty late…” He knew Evan didn’t really like walking across campus alone at night. Their school was fairly safe, but like all college campuses, bad things could happen if someone wasn’t careful. Evan always stressed out about the possible scenarios, though he wouldn’t admit that to his friends.

“No, um, don't...you don’t have to!” Evan said, shaking his head. “Because then you’d be walking back alone, so it’s really okay.”

Shrugging, Jared nodded. He wasn’t going to follow Evan around like a puppy; if he said he was fine, he was fine.

“Alright, then. Text when you get back,” He told the taller boy, earning another bobble head nod.

“Okay. Night, Jared.”

“Night, Evan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! Also, thanks to everyone who commented or gave this story kudos already!
> 
> I plan on updating daily unless something comes up, and then I'll post about it on my Tumblr (lost-in-the-in-between) probably.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared needs sleep, Evan needs reassurance and waffles.

Jared had barely gone to sleep when he was woken up by knocking on his door again.

To be fair, it was morning now. After Evan had texted to let him know he had gotten back safely, Jared had stayed up playing video games until Rich stumbled in at three and then he had had to help him get to bed before finally falling asleep himself around five. Needless to say, it had been a long night.

And really － who the hell woke up at seven on a Sunday morning? Did no one value sleep anymore?

Rich chucked a pillow at the door as he groaned, burying his face in his mattress. Sluggishly, Jared climbed out of bed and answered the door without even checking through the peephole to see who it was. Maybe he would get lucky and it would be a murderer.

Instead, he found a nervous Evan wearing the same hoodie as the night before. He had traded in his jeans for plaid pajama pants and his honey blond hair stood up in strange places as if he’d tossed and turned all night.

“Evan?” Jared yawned, opening the door a bit to let the other boy in.

“Noooo, go outside. Some of us are trying to sleep, asshole,” Rich mumbled. Jared picked up Rich's discarded pillow and tossed it back at him, earning a small _'oof'_ from the short, hungover boy when the pillow hit his face. Grabbing his room key and wallet, Jared stuffed his feet into tennis shoes and motioned for Evan to go back into the hall.

“What’s up?” He asked, fighting another yawn.

“Um, I-I told Connor about...about this thing, and he thinksit’sabadidea,” Evan muttered, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

Of course Connor Murphy thought it was a bad idea. Connor thought all of Jared’s ideas were bad, why should this be any different? Unfortunately, Connor was also Evan’s friend, which meant Evan would probably listen to the reformed stoner. Jared sighed, rubbing his eyes; it was only then that he realized he hadn’t grabbed his glasses. Fuck, no wonder Evan looked so blurry.

“It’s not a bad idea! Why does Cloudy with a Chance of Eyeliner think it’s a bad idea?”

“Because, um. What...what happens when, um, we break up? Your mom is going to hate me. My mom is going to hate me. Andthenwecan’tbefriendsanymorebecauseeveryonewillhateme－”

“Evan!” Jared grabbed his shoulders, forcing the anxious boy to look at him. “Breathe!”

Evan nodded, taking a few deep breaths. He still looked terrified, but at least he wasn’t hyperventilating. Jared slowly removed his hands once Evan’s breathing leveled out entirely.

“No one will hate you,” Jared reassured him. “I promise. We’ll tell them it was a mutual decision, okay? We’ll say that we’re just best friends and being boyfriends was too weird.”

Biting his nails, Evan looked lost in thought. Jared wasn’t entirely sure what was racing through Evan’s mind, but he hoped it wasn’t anything too bad because if he kept stressing out about this, Jared was just going to call it off. He didn’t need Evan blowing his cover and exposing his lie to his mother; she would be beyond pissed at Jared.

“Best friends?”

Oh. _That_ was the part Evan was freaking out about? Did he seriously think they weren’t best friends? What the fuck? Was _Connor_ fucking _Murphy_ Evan’s best friend? That thought made Jared’s blood boil. Connor and Evan had only been friends for two years. They had only started hanging out because of Jared! Okay, so they technically they had gotten to know one another because Jared called Connor a freak, but still. It was thanks to Jared that they were so close! Jared had known Evan for years; he was supposed to be Evan’s best friend.

“What, are we not best friends?” Jared asked defensively, crossing his arms.

“It’s just...you only called me your family friend in high school. Um, I just － I know we’re like, friends now and we hang out and stuff but y-you’ve only ever called me your friend. I didn’t know we were _best_ friends,” Evan blushed, looking down at his feet awkwardly. He let his hand drop back to his side.

Jared felt his own face heat up. God, Evan was pretty adorable sometimes. It only made him feel worse about that way he had treated Evan in high school. He had been so mean back then; picking on Evan and hurting him had kept Jared from hating himself so much. It had taken a long time to realize how shitty that was and work on fixing that behavior. Thankfully he had though, or he might not have Evan as a friend at all anymore.

“Shit, Evan. I’m sorry. I thought it was obvious that...that I consider you my best friend. I mean, who else would it be?”

He only hung out with Rich occasionally, usually when he wasn’t busy with his own friends. Connor was fun sometimes, and honestly he seemed to understand Jared pretty well, but there would always be a bit of bad blood between them. There had been too many fights to just magically get over it all and become best friends. Zoe was pretty cool and funny, but everyone knew she was closest to Alana and Evan. Alana and Jared struggled to understand one another sometimes, and besides, she was best friends with Connor and dating Zoe. Jared only really had Evan, which was a shame because Evan had everyone.

“I- you’re my best friend, too,” Evan said, finally looking up at him. Jared wasn’t sure he entirely believed that because Evan had Connor, Zoe, and Alana too. He had so many friends now, why the hell would he pick the guy that used to make him feel like shit in high school to be his best friend? Still, he couldn’t hide his smile at Evan’s words.

“That’s pretty gay,” Jared teased, laughing as Evan rolled his eyes.

“So are you,” Laughing even harder, Jared lightly shoved Evan for his snarky remark.

“Hell yeah I am, dork,” He smirked as Evan finally smiled back at him. The two stood in the middle of the hallway of Jared’s dorm, grinning like idiots at seven-thirty on a Sunday morning. It was a good thing so many college kids slept in on the weekend; Jared wasn’t sure how he would explain this if one of his neighbors walked out right now.

“As for the dating thing...if either of our moms get upset, I’ll take the fall. We can tell them I broke your heart if you want,” Jared offered after a second. Evan, whose gaze had fallen back to the floor, looked back at him now.

“I don’t want them to hate you either.”

Jared waved the comment off with a shrug.

“It’s fine. My mom will be pissed, but she’ll get over it. Your mom loves me － I’m sure she’ll forgive me eventually.”

Evan didn’t stop frowning, but he did look like he was thinking it over. That was all Jared could ask for. He really wanted this to work out, but it wasn’t like he could force Evan to go along with it.

“...Okay. Um, we’ll － we’ll start with the _‘we were better as friends'_ thing first. If they don’t buy that, um, we can say you dumped me,” Evan said with a nod. “That’smorebelievableanyway,” He mumbled so quickly and quietly Jared wasn’t entirely sure he had heard him correctly.

“Hey...um, thanks. For this,” He replied after an awkward beat. Unsure of how to address Evan’s insecurities, he decided to just pretend he hadn’t heard him. It was kind of a cowardly move, but it was better than humiliating himself by pointing out that it would be much more likely for Evan to finally get sick of Jared’s stupid, immature jokes and break up with him instead.

“Of course. You’re my best friend,” Evan smiled, making Jared’s chest tighten slightly. Wow, he really needed to get over how nice it felt being called someone’s best friend. And he definitely did not need to blush. God, he was supposed to be the cool one, not the lame one who felt _giddy_ about something so small.

“You’re my best friend too, Ev.” He rolled his eyes affectionately, lightly punching Evan on the shoulder. “Want to get some breakfast or something? I’m starving.”

He was also exhausted and would have loved a few more hours of sleep, but Evan was already smiling and _fuck,_  Jared couldn’t back out now.

“Let me grab my glasses and then we’ll get you a stack of waffles,” He rubbed his eyes again, ducking back in his dorm room to get his glasses. Rich didn’t even move, which made Jared chuckle. He’d probably sleep until the early afternoon.

Yawning, Jared led the way towards the cafeteria, smiling slightly as he listened to Evan ramble on and on about how cool it was that their university had non-dairy whipped cream for lactose-intolerant students like Evan. He hadn't had it a lot growing up because it wasn't really a necessity and Evan never wanted his mom to pay for something he didn’t really need, but _wow,_  it was really good and Evan was happy to finally be able to eat as much whipped cream on his waffles as he wanted.

Yeah, Evan was a massive dork, but at least he seemed to finally be on board with the idea. Maybe this would work out after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, thanks for reading, commenting, and leaving a kudos :)
> 
> I'm sorry about the filler; I promise we'll get into some plot stuff soon!


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared is fake dating the world's biggest and sweetest nerd.

After discussing lactose-free waffle toppings, the boys had launched into a discussion about the latest video game Jared had started playing. The conversation then shifted to a new movie coming out in a few days that looked interesting, as well as the book series it was based on. They ended up forgetting to talk about details of their arrangement entirely that morning, but that was okay. Sometimes it was just nice talking to a friend about silly things that don’t really matter.

They still had a lot of ground to cover, though. Both Jared and Evan talked to their mothers pretty frequently, and it was becoming difficult to avoid the subject of their fake relationship. They needed to get their story straight quickly, or they might get caught up in their own web.

On Thursday, after each of their last classes of the day, Jared found himself sitting alone outside the coffee shop on campus, his fingers tapping out a random beat on the table. His class had let out before Evan’s, so he managed to get there a little early and fight off a giggling group of freshmen for the coveted picnic table in the shade. It was secluded; there wasn’t enough foot traffic nearby to make Evan especially anxious. Which made it the perfect place to discuss their pretend relationship.

“Hey,” Evan said quietly as he slid into the chair across from Jared. The rhythm he had been tapping stopped as Jared grabbed one of the to-go cups in front of him and handed it to Evan.

“Oh, thank you,” He smiled, taking a sip of the extra sugary iced drink. Jared nodded, brushing off Evan’s gratitude.

“So,” Jared began after gulping down part of his own iced coffee, “We started dating somewhat recently, otherwise you probably would have already cracked and told your mom.”

Flushing, Evan nodded. He didn’t lie to his mother nearly as much as Jared did, especially about crushes and relationships.

“Um, yeah. I would say probably like...two or three weeks?” Evan scratched his neck, hunching over the table slightly.

“That makes sense. Obviously, I asked you out.”

That got him another nod from Evan. They both knew there was no way Evan would have gotten up the courage to ask Jared on a date; he would have probably just pined over Jared for forever. Jared definitely did the asking.

“Why now, though? Um, did we just...realize we liked each other, or…?” Evan asked, taking another sip of his drink.

Jared shrugged, thinking it over. If they had both just realized it, that seemed like an awfully big coincidence. One of them should have probably liked the other for a while.

“No, Mom would never buy that. Uh, let’s say I’ve had a crush on you since summer. When you and I went on that trip to the beach over the Fourth of July, maybe? I realized I thought of you as more than a friend then,” He said, earning a slight blush from Evan. Jared chalked it up to the surprising September heat and to the fact that Evan wasn’t used to being anyone’s crush, fake or not.

“And w-when did I, um, start liking you?”

“Uh...when we got back to school? We couldn’t hang out as much because I’m so busy with classes, so you realized how much you missed my incredible sense of humor and charming personality.”

Rolling his eyes, Evan tried not to smile.

“Okay, so um, you liked me for a few months...why did you just now ask me out?” Evan asked, leaning his elbows on the table. That was a little more difficult. Why now? Jared hid his feelings with a lot of things, but he also definitely would have been the one to ask Evan on a date. So, he would have needed a big push to finally get the words out.

“Uh…” He frowned, drinking more of his coffee. Maybe caffeine would help him to think clearly. “...I finally got up the courage? I don’t know. I just...asked you out?”

“Is that, um, realistic, though? Like, shouldn’t there have been a reason?” Evan asked, slumping back in his chair. Biting his lip, his left hand began playing with the sleeve of his t-shirt. Jared frowned, taking off his glasses to rub his eyes.

“I don’t know. We’ll just...we can come back to that, I guess. So, we’ve figured out when we got together and how long we’ve each liked the other. We should probably go over other stuff. Like, stuff boyfriends would know about each other,” He said, realizing he had called them boyfriends for the first time after he had already said it. Evan didn’t seem to mind, but Jared was sort of stuck on that word. Yeah, he had gone on dates in the past, but he had never had a real, official boyfriend before. This was...weird. And serious. And that felt like _a lot._  It felt weird that his first boyfriend was fake, and for the first time, Jared actually felt like this might be a shitty decision. He couldn’t take it back now, though.

"What sort of stuff?” Evan asked, raising his eyebrows.  
  
Jared remembered then that Evan had never had a real boyfriend either. That thought made him feel even worse; he was taking something sweet and special away from Evan. Heidi would probably always think of Jared as Evan’s first relationship, not whoever it actually would end up being. That poor sap would just be Evan’s second significant other.

Well, if he was going to be Evan’s first boyfriend, he might as well try and be a good one.  
  
“Um...okay, we used to play this game at camp. Well, it’s not really a game, more like an ice breaker, I guess?” Jared rubbed the back of his neck, shrugging slightly. “Anyway, it’s called Deserted Island. So like, I say _‘If you were stranded on a deserted island and could only bring five books, they would be…?’_ And you’d answer.”

Staring blankly back at him for a moment, Evan bit his lip. Did Evan think it was a stupid game? Fuck, he did, didn’t he? He thought it was weird. Maybe it was.  
  
“Shit, fine. We don’t have to play it. I just thought we would learn more stuff about each other but if you think it’s lame－”

“No! I don’t...It’s not lame,” Evan said, his fingers twisting around his sleeve so tightly that they began turning red. “I was just thinking.”

“...Oh.” Jared said, feeling like an idiot for jumping to conclusions. They sat in silence for a few more minutes, Evan thinking and Jared waiting as patiently as he could.

“I think...I think at least one of the Harry Potter books for sure. But then I might want to read the whole series, but I can’t because I can only bring _five_. So...so maybe just the last one? It’s not my favorite, but then at least I would have some kind of closure. and I wouldn't, you know, be thinking _'Gee, I wish I could just read the next book.'_ Um, so The Deathly Hallows. And, probably, The Lord of the Rings because it’s so long, so it would take me a while to read all of it. And, um, some nature books? But not like, just because I like nature. Some survival books too because then...then I may actually live long enough for someone to find me.”

“...Oh my God. I’m fake dating the world’s biggest nerd,” Jared mocked, making the tips of Evan’s ears turn red.

“Sorry! I’m sorry, those were...that was stupid, I should have picked something else, I’msosorry…”

“No, Evan! Relax, man, I’m just joking. Those answers might not be what _I_ would pick, but they were smart, so.” Jared reassured Evan. Finally, the other boy nodded, his face returning to its normal shade. “Alright, your turn to ask me.”

“Oh, um...if you were stranded on a deserted island and you could only bring five...five people with you, who would you chose?”

Was it Jared’s imagination, or did Evan already look self-conscious? Nope － who was he kidding? Evan always looked uncomfortable. But, the question was sort of personal and Jared thought that maybe Evan regretted asking it, afraid of the answer.

“Well, obviously Tom Hanks. He probably remembers a lot from Cast Away, plus he can entertain the rest of us due to his incredible acting abilities. Um...as much as I love my mom, she would freak the fuck out, so she’s a no. Alana would probably know what to do immediately, so she’s in. I guess the Murphy’s can come. Connor would probably try to like eat me though, once we run out of food. But hey, then at least then I wouldn't be stuck on a shitty island with you guys anymore.”

“...You guys?” Evan asked, his eyes hopeful.

Oh, right. Jared had forgotten to mention Evan. Looking at the anxious teen now, Jared could tell Evan hadn’t expected to be on the list. That thought only made Jared frown, hurt by the fact that Evan had so little faith in him.

“Of course I would pick you, Evan. I mean, it would be shitty to drag you to a deserted island where we would probably all die, but if I have to do it, I’m going to make my best friend suffer too.”  
  
Beaming, Evan let go of his shirt sleeve and rested his folded hands on the table. Jared thought about trying to save his reputation by rolling his eyes at Evan’s joy, but then he reminded himself that he didn’t do that anymore. If he wanted to be a better friend, he had to start acting like it, which meant he had to stop making Evan feel like a loser any time he was happy about something trivial.

“As fun as this game is...maybe we should get a bit more personal?” Jared suggested with a grimace.

He and Evan had never really been the type of people to share deep, meaningful conversations. Granted, that was only thanks to Jared, but he knew Evan could be a sort of private person at times too. Getting to know intimate things about each other was a necessity, but it was also not going to be fun. Once they learned each other’s secrets, they couldn’t really come back from it.

“Like...like what?”  
  
“...uh, well. Um. Why do you like trees so much?”

Evan froze at the question for a second, before frowning and looking at the wrought-iron picnic table. Pinching the edge between his index finger and thumb, he seemed lost in thought. Jared would give anything to know where Evan was right now. He had thought the question would be sort of easy. Surely Evan had a simple, quick answer, right? Why was he spacing out?

“Promise you won’t laugh?” Evan asked finally, his forehead wrinkling with worry. Shit － did Evan still think Jared would do that kind of a thing? Yeah, high school Jared would definitely get a kick out of teasing Evan about his tree kink, but college Jared? He would never.

“I promise,” He agreed, watching Evan continue to study the table intently. The taller boy shrugged, but Jared knew that wasn’t his answer. That was his way of avoiding the answer.

“Seriously, dude. I won’t make fun of you.”

“I, um. I don’t know. It’s...calming, I guess? Nature is calming. And, um, I like being outside and I like learning about it. It’s just nice to － to know things about trees. Like, they don’t...they don’t judge you or care if you stutter or call you a freak or laugh at the fact that you can’t even order food for yourself sometimes because what if the waiter thinks you’re stupid because you accidentally mispronounced a word or you stuttered too much and they didn't understand you, so they had to ask you to repeat it but then you just couldn't talk at all and had to leave even though you’re getting better at talking to strangers because you still get flustered when someone thinks you’re weird or stupid and－”

Jared grabbed Evan’s hand. He had been pinching the harsh metal too tightly; he could have broken a nail or cut his hand or something. Not to mention the fact that he was working himself up with his rant about ordering food. Jared was kind of worried that if he’d let Evan go on, he would get so upset that he had to leave, running off to go back to his dorm and cry or something.

“...Trees just don’t care. And they’re strong and resilient and they’re always there. They don’t leave just because something better comes along, because they physically can’t.”

Blinking, Jared leaned back in his chair. Leaving? Was this about Evan’s dad? Looking back, Evan’s obsession with trees had started around the time Greg Hansen had left. Before then, it had been trucks, if Jared remembered correctly.

He knew better than to ask if that was what this was about, though. Jared and Evan might have been best friends, but they didn’t really talk about serious stuff like that. When Evan’s dad had left, Jared had been there for him, but Evan hadn’t talked very much at all during that time. They mostly sat in Jared’s bedroom and played with Jared’s toys and occasionally climbed the old oak tree in Jared’s backyard.

When Jared’s dad had left, Evan had been there too. Jared hadn’t wanted to talk either, though. He wanted to pretend that it didn’t bother him － that _nothing_ bothered him. So, they had played video games in silence, not acknowledging his mother crying in the next room. The one time Evan had asked if Jared was okay, Jared had made fun of Evan until he left the house in tears. They never mentioned it again.

“We don’t...we don’t have to talk about that,” Jared said finally, shaking his head. “What’s... what's your favorite color? Blue, right?”

Evan finally glanced up, rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand. Had he been crying? Jared hoped not.

“Uh, yeah. I like blue.”

There was still a bit of pain and sadness in his eyes, but he had a small smile on his face now. It made Jared hate himself a little less for asking about the tree thing.

“Like...sky blue. Dark blue’s nice too, I guess, but I like sky blue best, I think.”

“Mine’s green,” Jared replied, finishing off the last of his coffee.

“No, it’s not.”

Looking up, Jared furrowed his brow. Evan blushed, looking back down at the table. He began pinching it again, and it was only then that Jared realized he had never let go of Evan’s other hand. Trying to be subtle, he pulled his hand back and held the empty cup in front of him with both hands.

“I mean, um, that － that I didn’t think, um, that _that_ was your favorite. You wear it a lot, b-but most of your school supplies and the stickers on your computer? They’re yellow. I always thought you liked yellow the best.”

Jared’s mouth fell open slightly. He’d noticed? No one had noticed that before. Jared had always just told people he liked green and everyone accepted that because green was an acceptable favorite color. Yellow was too bright, too happy, too loud. He thought people would make fun of him for liking it so much.

“But I shouldn’t have assumed! I’m sorry! I just...I just thought that. Sorry! Green’s a nice color! Yellow is too, um, but if you like green, then you like green. And that’s cool! Sorry.”

“No, um…” Jared began, chuckling awkwardly, “You’re right. Uh, yellow’s actually my favorite. I just...remember that asshole that sat in front of me in Ms. P’s math class in eighth grade? Kurt something? When we had to go around the room and tell everyone our name and favorite color on the first day, he told me yellow was ugly,” admitted Jared. “I guess I just figured it was easier to lie and say green.”

“I don’t think yellow’s ugly,” Frowning, Evan leaned forward again to take a sip of his own iced coffee. “I mean, sunflowers are pretty. Plus, everyone knows the yellow power ranger is the coolest.”

Jared scoffed, shaking his head.

“I can’t believe you just said that. You’ve never been more wrong in your life, Hansen. The red ranger’s the best.”

Laughing, Evan rested his elbows on the table again, his blue eyes gleaming in the late afternoon sun. His nose scrunched up when he laughed, which made Jared grin until his cheeks hurt a little bit.

“The red ranger is so overrated! Why does he even get to be the leader?”

“That’s just how it goes, Evan! Deal with it.”

They continued to debate which ranger was actually the best for another hour or two, only calling it quits when Evan got a call from Connor. Reluctantly, they parted ways, each feeling a little bit better about their situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this long chapter with a lot of weird references in it. At least the next chapter will have Alana, Zoe, and Connor finally!
> 
> Also, please envision Tom Hanks randomly finding himself trapped on an island with just Jared, Evan, Alana, Zoe, and Connor. 
> 
> As always, thank you for commenting or leaving kudos :)


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared forgets another important thing. It's good that the Murphys are there to gently remind him.

The first few weeks of college his freshman year had sucked, honestly.

Only a handful of kids he had gone to high school with were going to the same university as Jared and of those, the only ones he sort of talked to were Alana and Connor. While he didn’t hate either of them, he wasn’t really close to them back then. On top of that, his roommate, Todd, was a total dick who brought girls to their room most nights and kicked Jared out at the most inconvenient times possible. His classes were a little more challenging than he had expected and he only really liked one other Game Design major, Michael.

In short: Jared had been pretty fucking miserable.

But, as with most things, it got easier with time and the help of Evan Hansen. Jared came home most weekends; he fell into a routine pretty quickly. On Fridays, he would drive back to his mom’s house, drop off his things, then head over to Pottery Barn and harass Evan until his shift was over. 

Okay, harass was a strong word. Really, Jared would just hang out in the store and ask Evan obnoxious questions about their products whenever he noticed Evan’s manager nearby.  
  
It was pretty hilarious to watch Evan try to not get frustrated while on the clock. Jared always made sure to never get Evan into any serious trouble, though, and he always apologized for it later by taking Evan to their local superstore to stock up on soda, candy, whatever frozen food seemed appealing that day, and a stupidly cheesy movie from the $5 or less bin. Weekdays were shitty, but Jared loved the weekend.  
  
Now that Evan went to the same school as Jared, weekdays were pretty great too.

Thanks to Evan, Jared now had a tight-knit group of friends to hang out with. Sure, maybe they liked Evan more than they liked him, but they were still his friends and deep down, Jared knew they cared about him. They also weren’t shy about putting him in his place if one of his jokes or ideas were out of line.

Like his decision to fake date Evan Hansen. Connor, Zoe, and Alana weren’t shy at all about explaining how they felt about the idea to Jared and Evan when the five sat down to their weekly dinner together.

“I just don’t understand. Why would your mother concern herself with your love life?” Alana asked, pushing her glasses up her nose and staring at Jared critically.

“She’s a pushy single mother with only one child. If she didn’t worry about _my_ love life, she would have to worry about her own and she doesn’t want to do that,” He replied, rolling his eyes.

“You didn’t even ask Evan how he felt. That’s pretty shitty of you, Jared,” Zoe pointed out, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms. Her eyes were narrowed and full of rage, which terrified Jared more than he was willing to admit. Connor could be scary, sure, but Zoe was the Murphy he really worried about. He was very glad that she hadn’t grabbed a knife from the silverware table tonight or he might be in the hospital right now.

“Zo, it’s not...it’s _fine_ ,” Evan said, sending her a pointed look. His face was sort of blotchy, which Jared knew meant he was nervous about something. Probably a test coming up.

“I mean, have you even thought about Family Weekend?” Connor cut in, leaning forward. “Jesus, and I thought _our_ weekend was going to be a shitshow.”

Oh god. He had forgotten about Family Weekend. As in, the weekend where families came to visit. As in, the weekend when his mother and probably Evan’s too would be driving up to see them at school and would definitely expect their sons to be dating each other.

Jared’s mouth fell open, though he was quick to close it. Not quick enough, though, it seemed. Connor’s eyebrows rose just as Alana gasped. It was silent for a second, the only noise coming from Evan, who was choking on his water. Zoe patted his back soothingly.

“You forgot about Family Weekend?! Damn it, Jared!” Connor hissed, his fork clattering to the table. Burying his face in his hands, Jared gave a weak nod. He was so fucked right now.

“Oh my god. _Oh my god._  My mom’s going to hate me,” Evan yelped, snapping Jared out of his internal shame spiral. He had to fix this.

“No, she isn’t. We’ll figure it out. We can pretend for one weekend to be a couple!” insisted Jared.

It was just two days, how hard could it be? A little hand holding here, a few cute comments there, and they would be free. They could just break up a few weeks after and everything would be fine.

“Or, you could just tell them that you lied!” Still rubbing Evan’s back, Zoe continued to glare daggers at Jared, but he wasn’t paying attention to her. Evan was currently clutching his silverware so hard his knuckles were white and his face was getting redder by the second. Thankfully Evan wasn’t hyperventilating yet, though. Jared still had time to come up with a plan before his fake boyfriend fully freaked out.

“No! Look, it’ll be okay. I promise.” Leaning forward, Jared touched Evan’s arm. His grip on his fork lessened slightly. “We’ll just stick to our story and nod and confirm anything they want to think, okay? They’ll buy it.”

Slowly, Evan nodded and let go of his silverware entirely. Wincing at the sharp clang of them hitting the table, Connor turned his attention back to Jared.

“...It might work. But if it doesn’t, you’re taking the blame, Kleinman. This isn’t Evan’s problem; it’s yours.”

Okay, so maybe both Murphys were the scary sibling. Pushing past the thought, Jared rolled his eyes and nodded. There was no need to let Connor know Jared was still a little frightened of him.

“Of course I’m going to tell the truth if something happens. Do you seriously think I would try to blame it on Evan?”

The silence at the table was enough to confirm his suspicions that despite everything, his friends still thought he was an asshole. He had been better － he hadn’t tried to hurt Evan purposefully in years. Maybe he fucked up sometimes and said stupid shit without thinking, but he would never try to actually make Evan upset.

Frowning, Jared shook his head and looked away from them. He thought about bolting; it would be an understandable though immature reaction. Jared couldn’t do that, though.

“Do you want me to call it off?” Jared asked Evan, looking at the boy currently studying the table. “Honestly. I will if you want me to. Don’t say that it’s fine if it isn’t, Evan.”

Slowly, Evan looked back up at him, blue eyes meeting blue.

“...No. I don’t...I _want_ to do it. I, um, I...want to be your fake boyfriend,” He said, returning his attention to the table as his ears turned red. Zoe let out a long sigh, as if she still didn’t believe it. Alana seemed satisfied, though, and while Connor seemed conflicted still, he nodded.

“...Fine. If Evan wants this, then okay. But make sure you have your story straight,” Zoe said finally.

“We will. It’ll...it’s going to, um, to be okay, Zoe,” Evan looked at her, giving her a small smile. He probably meant for it to look reassuring, but even Jared could tell it was a little fake. His gut twisted at the thought of Evan still trying to lie to make him feel better.

“Can...we can...could we talk about something else? Connor, you were － you have that art show coming up, right? And oh um, didn’t you...didn’t you invite that boy that, um, Alana introduced you to?” Evan said, turning the group’s attention away from their situation. Connor wasn’t eager to discuss either his art or the boy from Alana’s anatomy class, but soon enough the five college students were discussing other topics. Jared could still feel Zoe’s eyes on him, though. It was unsettling to say the least, but he wasn’t going to call her out on it. The last thing he wanted was for everyone to start freaking out on him again.

It wasn’t until later when they were all dumping their leftovers into the trash and setting their plates, silverware, and glasses onto the conveyer belt that took them back into the kitchens to be washed that someone mentioned Jared and Evan's situation again.

“I still don’t think this is a good idea,” Alana said, pulling Jared off to the side while the Murphys and Evan scrapped their uneaten chicken into the trash cans. “But, if it makes you and Evan both happy, then it’s none of my business. I’m not going to lecture you on why it was wrong － I think Connor and Zoe did that enough for all of us. I’m just going to say that I hope whatever you want to get of this works out, alright? I’m here if you want to talk about it.”

It took a few seconds for Jared to properly process this. He hadn’t spoken much to Alana outside of their group, but he knew she often felt isolated like he did. He could tell. She was dating Zoe and she was friends with Connor, but she still sometimes couldn’t connect with everyone. Sometimes their jokes went over her head and she laughed just a second too late and sometimes she rambled on and on about all of the clubs and organizations she was involved with, not quite picking up on the fact that none of them were really interested in whether or not Model UN would still be having their meeting this Thursday or if it would get cancelled due to low turnout.

Alana was a part of their group, but she was on the outside, like Jared. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He was waiting for everyone to realize that he wasn’t nice like Evan or pretty like the Murphys or smart like Alana. It seemed Alana might feel the same way.

“...Thanks, Alana. And if you want to like, talk about anything or whatever with me, you can,” He finally said, watching the tension leave her shoulders slightly. She smiled genuinely, patting his shoulder.

“Thank you! That means a lot, Jared!” He nodded, watching her walk back over to Connor and begin lecturing him on needing to eat more. Even from here, Jared could see Connor rolling his eyes affectionately and promising Alana he was fine.

Jared’s eyes wandered over to where Zoe and Evan were discussing something intensely. Zoe’s arms were crossed, her eyes narrowed and he could hear her angrily whispering from here; he couldn’t pick out exactly what she was saying, though, over the noise in the cafeteria. Evan was hunched over, rubbing his face with his hands and occasionally glaring back at Zoe. Whatever they were talking about, Jared knew it couldn’t be good. He realized a split second later that it must be about him, as both of them discreetly tried to glance at him occasionally during their hushed argument.

His face heated up, which was never a good sign. Jared was not going to cry right now in the middle of the cafeteria; certainly not just because his best friend and his best friend’s best friend were talking about him behind his back. Zoe was probably trying to convince Evan to ditch Jared entirely and Jared didn't want to stick around to watch Evan realize she was right. Turning away from them, he began to walk briskly towards the exit.

“Bye, Jared!” Alana called after him, but he waved it off without looking at her and Connor. He didn’t need yet another reminder of why groups of five just didn’t work. There would always be an odd number, always someone left over and left out. And that was always going to be Jared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed some good old Jared angst. Feel free to leave a comment or kudos or yell at me on Tumblr (lost-in-the-in-between)!
> 
> Also, sorry if things are confusing! Jared, Connor, and Alana are all sophomores. Evan still took a gap year to help pay for things, and he and Zoe are freshmen!
> 
> I live for Alana befriending Connor and Jared. She is amazing and I love her and I just want for her to be happy.
> 
> Finally, congratulations to Dear Evan Hansen on all of their Tony wins!


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Jared's favorite color is green after all.

It had taken a few hours, but Jared had eventually calmed down and managed to stop stressing out quite as much about whether or not his friends even liked him. That was thanks in part to Rich inviting him to hang out with his friends for a bit. Jared liked them, especially Michael, who he had classes with. They were all a little dysfunctional, but they were usually pretty funny and chill.

After a fun night of beer and video games, Jared had felt much more at peace with the situation in general.

Of course, him choosing to go out meant that he now had more work piling up. Midterms were the week after Family Weekend, leaving Jared with little time to focus on both them and lying to his mother. That was why he found himself holed up in a corner on the third floor of the library, his nose shoved into his Design II textbook. The practice test he had been working on went better than he had expected; he had only gotten four questions wrong. He couldn’t help but grin as he packed up his things, ready to go back to his dorm and get to bed at a reasonable time for once.

As he walked back towards the staircase, he noticed just how quiet the library had gotten. It looked like most people had already left by this point. Checking his watch, Jared could see why － it was ten o’clock already. No one in their right mind would still be at the library unless they had a huge assignment to finish or they had no life. He was just about to open the door to the stairwell when two boys caught his eye.

Well, one caught his eye. The second just happened to be sitting extremely close to the first.

Evan was leaning over his own textbook, his hair messy from running his hands through it in frustration so many times. Beside him sat a very attractive boy, who appeared to be several inches taller than either Evan or Jared. He shifted, moving closer to Evan, but the shorter boy didn’t even notice. He just kept mouthing the words written in the book, his finger following along and his brow furled in confusion. With a smirk, the boy sitting next to him said something that finally got Evan’s attention. Laughing awkwardly, Evan scooted back in his chair, letting the other boy see whatever it was he had been reading.

Jared felt his stomach clench.

Was this a date? Or were they friends? Did Evan have some sort of secret boyfriend that he didn’t want Jared to know about? Or maybe he had a secret best friend he didn’t want Jared to know about. The man was attractive, even Jared could tell from thirty feet away. His long dark curls, tan skin, and lopsided smirk were enough to make Jared a little weak in the knees, he couldn’t imagine how Evan must be feeling sitting so close to him.

Why the fuck was this guy paying attention to _Evan?_ And why was Evan paying attention to him? What the actual hell was even going on?

Making a rash decision, Jared panicked and threw himself behind a bookshelf. He moved a few books out of the way to properly spy on Evan and his...date? Friend? Whatever.

They continued looking back and forth between the textbook and Evan’s notes, discussing a few things every now and then. Jared had to bite the inside of his cheek when he saw the man wrap an arm around the back of Evan’s chair as he leaned in even closer to presumably read the textbook. Evan flinched away, though, ducking to read his messily scribbled-on notebook.

After about ten minutes, the man said something again, leaning in to pat Evan on the head. Jared’s hands curled into fists because Evan wasn’t a fucking dog or a child; patting him on the head like that was frankly rude and so condescending.

The man stood and grabbed his things, leaving with another word or two. Jared pretended to study the books on Gender Studies in front of him when the guy passed by, then scrambled over to Evan.

“What’s up, Hansen?” He asked, taking the seat the guy had recently vacated. Evan jumped, clearly not expecting anyone to sit with him, let alone talk to him. He took a second to breathe before smiling over at Jared.

“Oh, um...hey, Jared.”

“What are you working on?” Jared had to stop himself from leaning in to look at the textbook. The motion reminded him too much of Tall, Dark, and Insanely Handsome. Instead, he glanced at Evan, who’s ears were red again. Probably from that guy who had just left. Great.

“A...um, a project. For my ecology class? Um, it’s...it’s boring. Sorry,” He shook his head, hunching back over his textbook.

“With your boyfriend?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. Evan shot him an incredulous look, biting his lip.

“...What? You...you just got here,” mumbled Evan in confusion.

“No, not your fake boyfriend. I meant the hot guy who just left,” Jared gestured vaguely to the stairwell, watching Evan’s face flush slightly. It looked like he was sick, honestly. Whenever he blushed, his whole face became blotchy and the redness spread unevenly. It wasn’t cute in the slightest.

“...Wait, you mean Thomas?” Evan asked after a beat of confused silence. Shrugging, Jared nodded and began tapping his fingers on the table.

“I’m not dating Thomas!” His voice was a little louder than it should be in a library, but it wasn’t like anyone was around to tell him to be quiet. Jared smiled slightly at the statement.

“Chill, dude. I was just wondering!” Jared said, waving off Evan’s panicked reaction. Deflating slightly, Evan nodded and leaned back in his chair. “But you were working on it with him, right?”

“Oh...yeah, technically.”

“Why ‘technically?’”

“He...told me to just finish it. So, um, I’m going to do that.”

Jared frowned. Yeah, the guy was hot, but he just left Evan to do all the work by himself? That was fucked up. Was that why he had petted Evan? God, what a jackass. Jared decided then that he didn’t think the guy was that hot after all.

“So you have to do it all?” Evan nodded, flopping forward and burying his face in the textbook. “Well, when’s it do?”

Jared could hear the muffled _‘tomorrow’_ well enough from where he sat. Holy shit. This guy left Evan to do an entire project alone the night before it was due? What an asshole.

“...How much do you have left?” He asked, earning a small glare from Evan.

“We’ve still got to write a short paper and put together the diagram,” He said, gesturing to the poster board that laid on the table near the books without lifting his head.

“Dude, you’re seriously fucked,” Jared replied after a second.

“Not helping, Jared,” Evan sighed in frustration, crossing his arms over his head. Gripping the straps of his backpack, Jared looked back and forth between the pitiful boy in front of him and the stairwell. He could make a break for it and go back and sleep or stay up playing video games. Evan probably wouldn’t even be mad at him. It wasn’t like Jared really owed Evan or anything.

Except he did. Evan had agreed to help him with the fake dating plan, and now he needed Jared’s help. 

Jared didn’t know anything about environmental science, though. He had spent every summer at camp during his childhood, but he didn’t really know much about ecology or plants in general besides the whole _‘stay away from poisonous shit’_ thing. But Evan looked tired and frustrated and Jared couldn’t just leave him here to work all night on his own.

Sighing, Jared reached over and grabbed Evan’s notes, recognizing his sloppy handwriting immediately. His hands shook sometimes, leaving the words almost illegible.

“What do you want me to do?”

Evan sat up quickly, looking at him in shock. He snatched the notebook out of Jared’s hands, shaking his head quickly.

“No, no! You don’t...I can do it. You don’t have to stay. Um, I’m sure you’re tired and you’ve been working on stuff and you need to sleep or at least relax or maybe hang out with Rich or something. I’ll be fine, I can do this. Um, I know...I’ve done this before and, um, you haven’t and I don’t want you to stay up all night for me and－”

“Hey, it’s fine! I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to help. Just tell me what needs to get done,” Jared told him, putting a hand on Evan’s shoulder. He only jumped slightly and he didn’t shove Jared’s hand away, which when he compared it to Evan's reaction towards Thomas, Jared counted as a win. Studying him for a moment, Evan seemed to be waiting for him to say _‘just kidding’_ and leave. When that didn’t happen, Evan smiled shyly.

“Thank you. I, um, I mean it. It’s really nice of you to...thanks. Um, could you work on the diagram? I’ll draw out what you need to put down, but, um, if you could...see, I’ve got these pictures and if you could just cut them out, and um...just glue them to the board? Like this? I’ll do the essay,” Evan said, handing Jared a stack of paper with pictures of animals printed on the pages. He began sketching what the poster board was supposed to look like when it was done on a blank sheet of notebook paper. Evan wasn’t the best at drawing, but the picture wasn’t that hard to follow.

They worked in silence for a long time, Evan studying the book, his notes, and some websites while typing away on his old laptop that had once belonged to Jared. When Jared went to college, his mom had gotten him a new one, so his old one was donated to Evan after Jared deleted everything. The last thing he needed was Evan Hansen finding his old porn stash.

Jared busied himself with cutting out the animals, then gluing them to the poster board the way Evan had directed him too.

“...That guy’s a dick,” Jared finally said when it was nearing midnight. Making a quiet noise of agreement, Evan's eyes remained fixated on the computer screen in front of him. “Seriously, I can’t believe he just ditched you like that.”

“Well, he’s also not very...he doesn’t really pay attention? In class? So, um, I’d rather do the work myself because at least then I know it’s right,” Evan mumbled, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

“I still think you should tell your professor or something. Or don’t include his name on it when you turn it in.”

Shaking his head, Evan shot Jared a nervous look. Of course that was asking too much of Evan. He worried about everything, including what this guy would probably say when he realized he didn’t have a grade for the assignment. Jared frowned at that. The guy didn’t deserve a good grade for doing nothing, but he knew Evan would still let him have it.

“Fine, then. But he’s still a dick,” Evan laughed, and Jared grinned triumphantly. They worked for the next hour or two in silence until Jared was done cutting and gluing. Evan, it seemed, was still busy with the essay.

He could leave; he’d done really all he could to help Evan. Jared wouldn’t understand the rest of it and he wouldn’t really have anything meaningful to contribute. But then Evan would be walking back to his dorm all alone after midnight and he might encounter some rowdy frat guys who would make Evan feel uncomfortable even if they didn’t acknowledge him. Jared probably wouldn’t even be able to sleep anyway because he’d stay up wondering if Evan was fine or whatever. So, he stayed where he was, playing some mindless game on his cell phone until Evan stood and walked over to the printers. When he returned with the essay neatly stapled, Jared helped him to pack up.

“Thank you, again. For helping. Um, you didn’t have to…” Evan’s eyes didn’t leave his bookbag as he zipped it closed, but Jared could hear the sincerity in his voice.

“It’s fine, Evan. Really. You’d be here all night if I didn’t and then I’d feel like an asshole for leaving you here too,” He shrugged, not making a big deal out of it. Because it wasn’t. He was just a friend helping another friend out with homework. Not a big deal at all.

They walked in silence out the doors of the library and down the path that would lead towards their dorms. It forked, one direction leading to Evan’s and one to Jared’s, but they both stayed on the same path.

“You don’t...I’m fine, Jared! I’ve, um...You’ve done enough. It’s already really late and you need to sleep,” Evan said, turning to look at him. Shrugging again, Jared kept his eyes on the path.

“I’m not even tired, Hansen. I need to burn off energy. It’s fine,” He lied, his hand accidentally brushing Evan’s as they walked. It happened a few more times before they reached the steps of Evan’s building, but neither pulled away.

“You’re...thanks. Um, you’re really sweet, Jared,” Evan mumbled as he fished his ID card out of his wallet. “And um, thanks. For this and for everything. I’m glad we’re friends.”

“Me too, Evan. Me too,” Jared admitted honestly, rubbing the back of his neck. Things had been pretty shitty in high school for both of them, but it meant everything to Jared that things were better now. If he’d kept being a jackass to Evan, he would have missed out on being friends with genuinely the best person he knew.

Before he knew what was happening, Evan had pulled him into a hug. Jared, who had been standing on the step beneath Evan and who was already a few inches shorter than him, found his face smashed against Evan’s chest, his glasses pressing uncomfortably against his nose.

For a second, he remained motionless, frozen at the fact that... _what the fuck?_ Evan was just hugging him? What? And why did he smell like a mix of pine trees and vanilla? And why was that a really nice scent? Shouldn’t it be gross? And, oh god, his hoodie was really soft, no wonder Evan wore it all the time. Maybe Jared could ask him where he got it so that Jared could also have a nice, soft hoodie to wear now that it was getting colder out, because he couldn’t just steal Evan’s. Well, he could, but that would be a dick move considering the poor guy probably couldn’t get another one until his next paycheck and even Jared wasn’t that big of an asshole.

Finally, Jared unfroze and his arms came up and wrapped tightly around Evan, pulling him closer as he turned his head to the side to avoid damaging his frames further. They stood like that for a few seconds, just caught up in a weirdly touching moment between two friends before Evan quickly let go of him and stumbled backward, sliding his card into the reader and opening the front door of his dorm.

“Good night, Jared!” He called out, ducking into his dorm and out of sight. Standing there for a moment, Jared stared at the closed door and adjusted his glasses back into place. It wasn’t until he was halfway back to his dorm that he realized he was blushing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I have to say, it's one of my favorites!
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has commented or left a kudos so far! It really means a lot :)


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared misses out on yet another night of sleep thanks to Evan Hansen.

Jared had been exhausted the next day. Thankfully, he was taking as few morning classes as possible this semester, so he did get to sleep in a little bit. He still almost fell asleep in 21st Century Art in the afternoon but managed to stay awake by doodling in the margins of his notes. Which, when you think about it, is technically art. So really, he should get extra credit for his half-assed collection of flowers and smiley faces.

All of his exhaustion was worth it though when Evan came over that night, beaming and talking excitedly about how his professor seemed to really like the poster board and how he was pretty sure that meant he was going to get a good grade on the project.

“So, what you’re saying is, I’m the sole reason you’re doing well in college,” Jared teased, smirking at Evan from his desk chair. Evan, sitting on Jared’s bed, rolled his eyes.

“Yes, Jared. I’m only passing thanks to you.”

“What can I say except you’re welcome?” Jared said, humming the Disney song afterward. That earned him a pillow to the face, but he couldn’t exactly say he was surprised. Still, he stood up, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow at Evan.

“That’s how you repay me? After all my hard work? I still have glue under my nails!” Evan actually looked slightly guilty now. Biting his thumbnail, he frowned slightly at Jared.

“I’m...No, you’re right. I’m sorry. Thank you,” He mumbled. Jared threw the pillow back at him, smiling at the satisfying thump as it hit Evan in the face.

“I’m just kidding, dork.”

Before the pillow could be thrown again, Jared’s cell phone began to ring, silencing both boys. His phone lit up with a picture of his mother, who was trying to FaceTime him. Shaking his head as Evan stood to leave, Jared motioned for him to stay; if Evan just remained quiet, she’d never even know he was there and Jared could give her some stupid excuse about homework and go back to hanging out with his fake boyfriend.

“Hey, Mom,” He said, holding the phone a short distance away from his face. His mother, who barely understood how to FaceTime in the first place, had it almost up to her eye. He would have laughed were it not for the fact that April would probably yell at him.

“Jerry! Can you see me?” He actually had to bite his lip to keep himself in check.

“Yeah, Mom, I can see you.”

“How are you, sweetie? How are your classes? How’s Evan?” She grinned, raising her eyebrows at the question. Sighing, Jared fiddled with his glasses.

“I’m good. Classes are good. Evan’s good,” Jared shot back quickly, causing her to sigh.

“You haven’t told me anything about you two! Why are you being so private all of a sudden? I’m your mother, you should be gushing about how cute he is to me.”

Jared avoided looking at the bed entirely at that. Flushing slightly, he shook his head at his mother and frowned. He had never _gushed_ to her about a boy before, even the cute guys he had liked in high school. Why was she suddenly expecting him to act like the lovesick protagonist in a romantic comedy?

“Mom, that’s weird. You’re my _mother._ I’m not going to gush to you about my boyfriend!”

“Fine, Jerry, but I want to know things! You’ve been dating for over a month and you haven’t told me anything!”

They would have to start telling their mothers more now that they had an actual story made up. Jared’s usual method of nodding and confirming might not work for much longer.

Just then, a small clatter came from his bed. Evan, now red-faced and looking panicked, had dropped his own phone on the floor. Jared fought the urge to facepalm.

“What was that? Is Richard there?” His mother asked, leaning even closer as if she would be able to see better. The phone wasn’t even facing his bed; he had no idea what his mother hoped to accomplish.

Jared had two options: nod and confirm, or tell the truth. If he said that yes, it was Rich, she might ask to say hi to him and realize he was lying. If he told her that it was actually Evan, she would probably freak out and demand answers about their relationship from both of them. But, that might actually be okay. They needed to give their moms some information at some point, right? They had to make this look real.

“No, it’s Evan. He dropped his phone.” Evan shot him a shocked look, his mouth falling open.

“Evan! Let me see him!” April shrieked, nearly jumping up and down in her seat at their kitchen table at home. Shrugging, Jared pressed the rear-facing camera option and revealed Evan, now sitting back on the bed and waving awkwardly.

“Evan! It’s so nice to see you! How are you? How are your classes?”

“He’s fine, Mom! Look, uh...we were actually hanging out. Can I call you back later?” Jared asked, earning a hurt look from his mother as he shifted back to front-facing.

“But I wanted to talk to you two! Evan, I know Heidi’s eager for some details too.”

Evan blushed at that.

“Mom, you’ll see us in less than two weeks. Just － can we go now? Please?”

His mother sighed heavily, finally nodding. April fixed him with a stern look though before he could hang up.

“Be safe. I know you two boys are pretty responsible and I know there isn't risk of either of you getting pregnant, but I’m serious. Don’t take any chances, always use protection－”

_“BYE, MOM,”_ Jared screeched, hanging up the phone. The room was silent for a moment and Jared was sure he was going to die from embarrassment right then and there. He was practically begging the ground to swallow him up and get him away from this situation.

“So...wait, um, does that...your mom thinks we’re having sex?” Evan finally broke the silence, causing Jared to finally look up and meet his eyes. He looked about how Jared had expected him to look － anxious and red, with his knees drawn up to his chest.

Jared swallowed thickly before shaking off his own nervousness. He was Jared Kleinman; he had talked about sex before with Evan plenty of times. Sure, he had mostly been joking around in the past and Evan had always stuttered and laughed awkwardly, but this was going to be fine.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

With a shrug, Jared pocketed his cell phone. Evan was biting his lip hard, almost hard enough to draw blood. Jared winced.

“So then...my mom...do you think she thinks we’re um, that we’re…” Evan gestured between them.

“Probably? I don’t know. It’s not like it’s a big deal.”

Except it kind of was. Jared had _some_ experience, but he knew Evan didn’t at all. It was one thing to lie about being Evan’s first boyfriend, but it positively shitty to lie about sleeping with him. Even Jared knew that. It wasn’t like Evan had some perfectly innocent reputation to maintain, but he was entitled to privacy when it came to his sex life and Jared couldn’t just take that from him.

After a beat of silence, Jared stood and moved closer to the bed, sitting on the very edge.

“...Sorry. It’s － I get that it _is_ a big dealt. I’ll tell her tomorrow that we aren’t and we haven’t, okay?”

Evan glanced up at him, slowly stretching out his legs. Nodding shakily, he leaned back against the wall behind Jared’s bed, breathing deeply a few times. Jared watched as his shoulders began to relax slightly and Evan’s face returned to its normal shade. That made Jared feel a little bit better. Still, he was hesitant to sit back, afraid moving too close would spook Evan and give him the wrong idea. So he remained perched on the edge of the bed, turning awkwardly to talk to Evan.

“...I just don’t um...it’s not that I’m _uncomfortable_ with that. But, like...I don’t need for _my mom_ to know about it, you know? When I...when it happens, my mom is probably the last person I would tell,” Evan rambled, interrupting the silence that had fallen over them.

“No, I get it. It’s weird that my mom even brought it up. I get that she’s happy for us, but she doesn’t need to know _everything_ about my romantic life.”

Evan nodded, gnawing on his bottom lip again. At least now it didn’t look like he was going to bite a hole in it, which Jared would take as a good sign. There was still too much awkward tension in the room for his liking, though.

“Come on,” He said suddenly, standing up and grabbing the thin jacket draped across the back of his desk chair. Watching him curiously, Evan sat up a little straighter.

“Where are we going?”

“We’re going to go find the worst movie we can for the cheapest price and eat our weight in sour gummy worms,” Jared said, shoving his arms into the jacket’s sleeves. His words got Evan’s attention, and Jared felt the tight ball of guilt in his stomach lessen when he saw Evan’s small smile.

“Jared, it’s getting kind of late. You...I’m sure you’re tired. We don’t have to － _you_ don’t have to do this.”

“Ev, I need sugar and poorly written movies with budgets lower than our tuition. But, if you don’t want to…”

Evan stood, shoving his sock-covered feet back into his old, worn New Balance sneakers.

“No! I-I want to. But only if you’re sure...?” He asked, tugging on the hem of his long-sleeved t-shirt bearing the logo of their college on the pocket. His posture was nervous, but even from a few feet away, Jared could see how hopeful his eyes were.

“Dude, I’m sure. I’m not even tired. Now, come on.”

And so, Evan and Jared spent another late night huddled together on Jared’s bed, watching a terribly written horror film on Jared’s laptop, swapping jokes about the cliche lines and plot. Around three, Jared finally succumbed to his sugar coma and fell asleep on Evan’s shoulder.

The bed was cold when he woke up the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and thank you so, so much to everyone who has commented or left kudos so far! It really brightens my day to read what you guys think of the story.
> 
> Things pick up much more in the next chapter. This is really the last sort of filler chapter, even though it really isn't filler, but still. The excitement really begins soon :)


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared confronts his father and his own past behavior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hey. I'm doing an author's note at the beginning because I need to talk about the chapter itself.
> 
> So Jared's dad's behavior is absolutely unacceptable, but unfortunately, sort of normal in today's society. I absolutely do not condone it, but I wanted to show a variety of father figures, even though I feel like DEH does a pretty good job of that in canon. I also wanted to provide another possible explanation (not an excuse, an explanation) for Jared's own behavior. 
> 
> I'm well aware that Dan's behavior is problematic at best and abusive at worst, so I'm slapping on a content warning for this chapter and adding to the story tags. I completely understand if that deters you from reading and I will post a brief synopsis in the author's note at the end if you want to know what happened without reading the details.
> 
> CONTENT WARNING: Emotional/Verbal Abuse

On Saturday, Jared finally caught up on all the sleep he had missed out on during the past week. By the time he had woken up, Rich had already left to go work out with his boyfriend, Jake. It was too late for breakfast, but Jared could still probably grab lunch if he hurried; so, Jared set about showering and changing quickly.

Just as he was about to head out the door, his phone rang, catching him off guard. His mother didn’t usually call on Saturdays; she went to visit his grandmother in the nursing home. Briefly, Jared’s stomach flipped at the thought that maybe there was something wrong with Nana, but he was snapped out of that thought when he saw the name of the caller.

Dan Kleinman.

His dad.

Fuck.

It wasn’t that Jared _hated_ his dad. Contrary to popular belief, Jared loved him. He just also thought the man was a huge dick. While April was maybe a tad overexcited but still very loving and accepting, Dan used humor to deal with everything and rarely thought things through before he spoke.

Jared had certainly inherited that trait from him, though he was working on expressing himself in healthier ways.

“Dad, hey,” Jared answered, sitting back down on his sloppily made bed. This could be a two-minute conversation or a two-hour conversation, Jared had no idea which. He wasn’t like Evan － Dan actually talked to him much more than twice a year. In fact, Jared actually spoke with his father on a semi-regular basis, though never about anything important.

After divorcing April, his father had only moved two streets away and he had kept his job. Jared had visited every other weekend. Of course, Dan usually spent most of those weekends either with his new girlfriend or teasing Jared about things like his grades, his laugh, or his lack of a significant other.

“Jared! How are things at school?”

“Oh, good. Uh, classes are going okay,” Jared crossed his legs. He might as well get comfortable.

“That’s great, champ,” His dad definitely sounded distracted, which hopefully meant he would hang up soon and Jared could go get food from the cafeteria. “Uh, your mom told me about you and the Hansen kid.”

Oh. So this was going to be one of _those_ talks.

Jared had never really been able to tell where his dad stood when it came to Jared being gay. While it didn’t seem like he really had a problem with it, he had never really seemed in love with the idea either. Which, _okay,_ that was fine. Jared was just glad he hadn’t been kicked out or anything.

His dad had just never really discussed it with him. Jared honestly thought that maybe he had forgotten or something, but now Jared could see that that clearly wasn’t true.

Great.

“Listen, you’re an adult and can date whoever you want. But him? Really?”

Jared began playing with a loose string on his comforter, unsure of where this was going. What was so bad about Evan? Why was he so much worse than any other guy he could be dating? Was it even Evan, or was his dad not okay with him dating guys in general?

“What’s wrong with Evan?” He asked, trying to hide the mild irritation from his voice.

“Nothing, I guess. He’s just so...twitchy?”

“Dad, he has anxiety.”

_Deep breaths, no need to snap. He probably just wants you to be happy. He doesn’t mean anything bad about Evan._ Jared tried to convince himself, but it sure felt like his dad was implying that Evan wasn’t good enough for Jared which was probably the furthest thing from the truth. Not that Jared liked Evan like that, but. Still. Evan was definitely too good for him, objectively speaking.

“Yeah, sure,” His dad dismissed Jared’s explanation. “But look, Jared. Do you really want a boyfriend who can’t even order food for himself? Isn’t that more like babysitting than dating?”

That was entirely unfair. Evan was getting better at managing his anxiety and had gotten better about ordering and talking to strangers in general. The last time Dan had seen Evan, though, had been before Evan had even gone on medication. He and Jared had been thirteen, and it was just after his father had finally moved out.

While their moms were enjoying a Girls’ Afternoon of day-drinking wine and watching old rom-coms, Jared had dragged Evan to get some ice cream. When it was Evan’s turn to order, he had burst into tears, resulting in Jared having to call his dad to come and pick them up because Evan couldn’t really ride his bike while he was sobbing. After that mortifying car ride back to Heidi's, Dan had made it pretty clear that he thought Evan was a weird kid. At the time, Jared couldn't exactly blame him and had made the executive decision to never invite Evan to Dan's new house. Maybe if he had, Dan would be able to see that Evan wasn't still that scared little kid anymore.

“He’s doing better now. And, again, he has social anxiety. I’m not his babysitter. He’s not a child. He has a real mental illness that makes it hard for him to talk to strangers sometimes,” Jared didn’t care if his dad knew he was upset now. It was one thing to be critical of Jared, but to be rude to Evan and pretend that it was because he genuinely wanted Jared to be happy? That made Jared’s blood boil.

“Relax, Jared. Jesus,” Dan sighed, clearly not having expected the conversation to go this way. “I just mean that you can do better.”

Jared wanted to snap, because since when did his dad have such a high opinion of him? Wasn’t this the same man that had made fun of Jared's weight all the time during middle school and high school? Wasn’t he the one who had never once come to one of Jared’s robotics competitions? Hadn’t he basically told Jared that he was the reason Dan and April had gotten a divorce after drinking too much one night?

“Not really. Evan’s the absolute best thing in my life right now and I’d be a fucking idiot if I broke up with him just because he has anxiety. So, yeah, I’m going to go remind him how much I love him right now. Thanks, Dad.”

Jared hung up, throwing the phone onto his pillow. He was positively seething with rage, and before he knew it, he was crying.

Jared had always been an angry crier; when he got too worked up, he let it out through tears. Maybe it was an odd sort of emotional release, but it was definitely healthier than punching the wall.

Where the hell did his dad get off on telling Jared who he shouldn’t date? He didn’t know anything about the man Evan had grown to be. Dan didn’t just get to make judgments based on memories. It wasn’t even like he was being protective of Jared! He never had been. Dan was just being a dick, like always.

He jumped at the knocking on his door. Wiping at his eyes roughly, Jared stood and opened the door.

“Jared, I － what’s wrong?”

Of course, it was Evan. Of course, _he_ would be the one to see Jared crying over something stupid. Jared knew he had to look gross and vulnerable and he hated it. It had been a long time since he had let anyone see him cry, and now Evan of all people was getting to experience it.

“...Nothing,” Jared muttered, staring at the floor. “What did you need?” His voice was harsher than he meant for it to be, but he was still pissed and upset and he didn’t need for Evan to see him cry right now.

“What happened?”

He could lie, but Evan would probably see through it. They had known each other since they were little kids; Jared was pretty sure Evan could tell when he was lying. Besides, why hide the truth?

Because even six years after his father had left, Jared didn’t want to talk about his problems with Dan.

“Just a phone call. It’s nothing,” Jared withdrew back into his room, though he left the door open. Evan shut it behind him, moving to sit next to Jared on his bed.

“You’re...you’re crying. It’s not nothing,” Evan pointed out, his voice gentler than Jared would have expected. Wasn’t this the part where Evan realized Jared was a complete loser and left?

“My dad. It’s whatever,” Jared shrugged. Both boys were silent for a minute, lost in thought. Jared could tell Evan wanted to ask what had happened, but the memories of one of the worst fights they had ever had were circling through both of their minds.

Right after Dan had left, Evan had spent almost all of his time with Jared. He had known what it was like to have a parent leave, so he had taken it upon himself to make sure Jared was okay. That meant a lot of days spent in silence, playing video games and ignoring the actual problem at hand.

One day, Evan hadn’t been able to take it anymore. He had stuttered, asking Jared how he was feeling and if things were okay.

Obviously, they weren’t. Evan should have known that. But rather than tell him that politely, Jared had lashed out in the only way he knew how － by making fun of Evan. They were close, which meant Jared knew every single insecurity Evan had ever felt about himself. He wanted to hurt Evan, but not because Evan was a bad person or had done anything to Jared; he wanted to hurt Evan just because he _could_. Even then, he knew that Evan didn’t deserve it, but he just couldn’t stop himself from telling Evan how much of a freak he was and how Jared only talked to him because he had to. Evan was a mess and no one would ever _really_ want to be his friend. Jared didn’t. But because April and Heidi were best friends, Jared was stuck with Evan.

It hadn’t been true back then and it definitely wasn’t true now, but he knew some part of Evan believed it. He wouldn’t have left in tears that day if he hadn’t. He wouldn’t have spent all of high school doing everything he could not to make Jared upset if he hadn’t.

Jared was a monster. Nothing could ever make up for that day, and now here he was, reminding Evan of it.

“I’m so sorry, Evan,” He mumbled weakly, finally looking over at the other boy.

“It’s okay, Jared,” Evan replied, biting his nails. “And, um...it’s okay if you don’t want to, you know, talk about it.”

Silence settled over them once again. Now was Jared's chance to fix things. He liked to believe he was a better person now than he had been years ago, but if he didn’t prove it now, he never would. Doing nothing was almost as bad as yelling.

“...He was just being an asshole.”

Evan nodded, turning to face him.

“He, um...he just always thinks he knows better than me about everything. But he doesn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

Jared sighed, running a hand through his hair. If he wasn’t careful, he might start crying again and then Evan would probably cry and Jared would cry harder and then Evan would cry harder and it would just become an even bigger mess than it already was.

“He was insulting someone and it’s like...he doesn’t know them, you know? He doesn’t even really know me. How could he possibly think he knows better than me when he doesn’t know anything about the situation?”

Jared was being vague on purpose. As much as he wanted to let Evan understand what was going on, he really didn’t want to hurt his feelings by mentioning the things Dan had said. Evan was already insecure enough; he didn’t need to know that Jared’s dad thought Evan was a waste of Jared’s time.

“...Was it me?” Jared’s head snapped up, his eyes finding Evan’s blue ones quickly. “It’s just...it wouldn’t be your mom. He’s...well, I don’t think he would do that to her. So, um, it’s me, right? He was saying bad things about me?”

All he could do was nod, grimacing at the thoughts going through Evan’s head. He hated that now Evan would probably become even more self-conscious and start hating himself even more.

“Why are you crying, though?” Evan asked, making Jared even more confused. Didn’t he want to know what Dan had said? Or didn’t he want to know why Dan had a problem with him?

“Because...because, he’s a jerk. And it’s not fair for him to suddenly decide to care about who I’m dating when he hasn’t really been there in the past.”

Evan nodded at that, looking deep in thought for a moment.

“So, you said that － that he thinks he knows better than you? About what? Me?”

“It’s not a big deal, Ev.”

“You’re crying, though,” pointed out Evan, shifting to his knees and crawling closer to Jared. Cautiously, he wiped under one of Jared’s eyes with his thumb, careful not to touch or smudge his glasses. Jared held his breath, suddenly feeling warmer than he had before. Maybe he should ditch the jacket he had put on.

“It doesn’t matter. Seriously. If he has a problem with you, then I have a problem with him. He’s never been supportive of me, and fine. Whatever. That sucks, but I can deal with it. But him being rude to you when he doesn’t even know you? That’s fucked up,” Jared said honestly.

Evan was still close － Jared could practically count his eyelashes from here. He expected Evan to burst into tears maybe, or start asking Jared why exactly Dan Kleinman had a problem with him, but he found Evan just staring at him instead. His eyes were completely unreadable even to Jared, who arguably knew him better than anyone else.

The silence surrounding them was thick, but Jared couldn’t find the words to break it. It seemed like Evan couldn’t either.

Just then, the door opened with a bang as Rich made an entrance. Jared had never seen someone move back so quickly, but by the time he looked away from Rich and back to Evan, he found the taller boy to be at least three feet away, rigidly sitting on the edge of Jared's bed.

“...Um, am I interrupting something?” Rich asked, raising an eyebrow as he crossed his arms. Jared would give anything to wipe the stupid, knowing grin off his face.

“Ishouldgobye.”

And with that, Evan was practically sprinting out of Jared’s room, Rich was laughing in the doorway, and Jared was more confused and hungry than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that was emotional. Thank you for reading it, and thanks for all of the comments and kudos you guys have left so far! I appreciate them :)
> 
> Brief Synopsis:  
> \- Jared finally slept  
> \- His dad called and basically said that Jared shouldn't date Evan because Evan's a loser  
> \- Jared was reminded of some of the unkind things his father had said about Jared in the past  
> \- Evan showed up and found Jared crying, Jared explained the situation  
> \- Both Jared and Evan were reminded of a fight they had had when they were thirteen where Jared was completely out of line  
> \- Jared apologized and Evan figured out that Jared's father had a problem with him  
> \- They had an intense moment of staring at one another  
> \- Rich made an entrance  
> \- Evan left


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared's coffee isn't the only icy thing around.

Things had been a little weird after that Saturday afternoon in Jared’s bedroom. Evan had begun avoiding him, though he wouldn’t admit it to anyone, even Zoe. He didn’t returned any of Jared’s texts until Monday, and even then they were all short responses. Jared had no idea what he had done wrong, but he assumed it was something involving what his dad had said about Evan. Evan had probably worried himself sick over trying to figure out why Dan didn’t like him, which was stupid. When Jared asked what was wrong, though, Evan would brush it off and claim to be fine.

That was clearly not the case because he canceled on their group’s weekly dinner, which he had only missed once before when he was feeling too anxious to attend. He also claimed to be busy studying for midterms whenever Jared asked him to hang out. Normally, Jared would be fine and let Evan have his space, but he was beginning to get upset. He couldn't even remember the last time they had gone this long without talking or texting, and he was starting to miss his best friend.

The Thursday before Parent Weekend, Jared finally got Evan to meet up with him in person. It wasn’t like Evan could really avoid him; they needed to go over their story one last time before their mothers arrived. So, Evan had agreed to meet him at the same table where they had gone over things before, outside the coffee shop.

He had been expecting Evan to be weird and nervous as soon as he sat down, but he was pleasantly surprised to see that Evan looked mostly okay. Jared could tell he hadn’t been sleeping well from the bags under his eyes, but other than that, he seemed fairly calm though maybe a little sad. 

“So, we got together about a month ago,” Jared reminded, earning a nod from Evan.

“You asked me out,” He added, his attention glued to his hands which were folded tightly in front of him.

“Yes, I asked you out because I’ve liked you since the Fourth of July. You’ve liked me since－”

“School started.”

“Right.”

So far, so good. They remembered their story pretty well, and Evan seemed to not be ridiculously nervous about acting like a couple in front of their moms, which was nice. Jared wouldn’t have to worry about him doing something stupid and blowing their cover then.

“...Is your dad coming?” Evan asked finally, rubbing at his eyes tiredly.

“Fuck no. He probably wouldn’t have come even if I hadn’t yelled at him,” Jared shrugged. 

Evan’s dark blue eyes were unreadable again, and it was beginning to drive Jared insane. The last time he had been so clueless about what was going on inside of Evan's head had been before their senior year of high school, before they had finally begun to reconcile and fix things between them.

Finally, Evan nodded.

“I think we need to talk about our breakup.”

Jared had never heard Evan be so direct before. The iced coffee he had been drinking caught unexpectedly in his throat, leaving Jared coughing and sputtering for a second. Where had that come from? Why was bringing this up now?

“...What?”

“We...we need to talk. About us breaking up.” Evan said determinedly, his posture rigid.

“Why?”

“Because － because we need to!”

Evan’s fingers were now curling around his hair, tangling themselves in the messy, honey-colored locks. He was beginning to look more like how Jared had expected: panicked and wild.

“But why now? It can wait a few days, right? What’s the hurry?” Jared found himself asking, frowning in confusion as he leaned against the wrought-iron table.

“Are we...Jared, we can’t keep doing this forever,” Evan mumbled, studying the diamond-shaped cutouts in the table.

“I know that!”

And he did. Jared knew they couldn’t keep this up for forever. What, were they going to get fake married one day? Adopt two fake kids? Buy a fake house with a fake picket fence? Their moms would notice eventually. Still, he didn’t want to think about their impending break up right now, two days before their moms arrived.

“So we need a plan!” Evan snapped, still avoiding eye contact with Jared. None of this was making any sense. Why was Evan so upset all of a sudden? Why did he need to have a plan for their break up right now? Was being Jared’s fake boyfriend that repulsive to him?

“Where is any of this coming from, Evan? I thought...why now?”

Even with Evan’s shoulders hunched over, Jared could tell he was trying not to cry. Shit, what the hell had happened? How had Jared managed to screw things up this badly? What had Jared said or done to make Evan freak out?

“Because, I just...what happens when － one of us is going to want to...to be with someone else. Eventually. Why are we, um...delaying the inevitable? Why not just get it over with?”

Jared froze at those words. Be with someone else? Did...did Evan like someone else? He had said that that asshole Thomas was only his lab partner, but what if they really were more than that? He had seen them together; he had watched Thomas essentially put an arm around Evan. And of course Evan liked that guy even though Jared had been the one to help him with the project. Jared wasn’t blind － he could see how hot Thomas was. He was thin and tall and everything Jared wasn’t. Of course Evan wanted to be with him.

It still felt like Jared had been punched in the gut, though.

Probably because he was worried Thomas would be the closest person to Evan once they started dating. Jared didn’t want to lose their friendship.

“...Fine. If that’s what you want, fine,” Jared said finally, taking a few deep breaths to try and relieve the pain in his stomach.

“...Good. Then what － what’s the plan?” Evan asked weakly. It seemed like he had lost the anger he felt a few minutes ago, resigned now to just ending this. Why wasn’t he more excited? Now he could go run off to Thomas.

Unless he was feeling guilty. Why should he feel guilty, though? Because he was running off to be with someone else? Because now Evan got to have his Happily Ever After while both of their moms thought that Jared was a monster? Because all of their friends would probably love Thomas more than they tolerated Jared and he would be kicked out of their little group?

No, Evan wouldn’t feel guilty about any of that. He would probably just be glad that Jared was out of his life.

Jared was done trying to speculate what was going on in Evan’s head. Clearly, he had no idea.

“It doesn’t really matter, does it?” Jared spat, his hands curling into fists. He didn’t loosen his grip when he felt his nails digging into his palms; he just continued to ball them up tighter. "In the end, we break up. So make up whatever story you want about me being an asshole. It’s fine.”

That finally made Evan look at him, so there was that at least.

“What? No. We － we said that we were going to...that this was supposed to be mutual. Why would I just－”

“I said it’s fine!” Jared hissed, trying to blink away the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. It most definitely was not fine, but he wasn’t going to tell Evan that. Not when Evan was already planning on replacing him and all sixteen years of their friendship with some douche bag who literally treated him like a dog. “I’ll look like the bad guy, like always. Everyone’s going to expect it anyway.”

“What are you even talking about?” Evan’s voice cracked, his eyes widening. “Jared, I didn’t－”

“No, because it’s fine! You get to go on being Mr. Perfect and I’ll take all the heat.”

“Jared, you － this was your idea in the first place!” Evan pointed out, his anger beginning to return. “You asked me to help you! I did everything...I did what you wanted! Why are you － what did I do wrong?”

What _did_ Evan do wrong? He had gone above and beyond for Jared. He had done everything Jared had asked him to do. He had lied to his mother to keep Jared happy. Was him wanting to be with some jerk really worth throwing away their entire friendship?

Jared hesitated. The last thing he wanted to do was lose Evan, but...but he was so angry. He wanted to hurt Evan just like Evan was hurting him. He didn’t deserve that, Jared knew logically, but Evan was willing to kick him to the curve when someone new came along. Just like he had briefly with Connor. Just like when Zoe finally paid attention to him. Yes, he had managed to fix things with Evan back then, but if Jared hadn’t made the effort to apologize and basically beg Evan to be his friend again, would Evan have even blinked?

No. He would have been perfectly content with the Murphys and Alana being his new friends. Now he would be happy with Thomas and ditch Jared all over again even though Jared was doing better and actually trying to be nice now. It didn’t matter how much he did to show Evan he cared － Evan would always be fine without him. He would always be able to find someone else, someone better. He had never needed Jared; it was always Jared that needed him.

That thought made his throat tighten. He was so close to breaking down in tears, and the last thing Jared wanted was for Evan to see him cry again. He would probably run off and laugh about it with their friends. They all knew Jared had this coming to him; they would probably be thrilled that he was out of their lives now.

Fuck, he was going to cry.

“You’re the most selfish person I’ve ever met. Fuck you, Evan. Asshole."

Jared stood, tossing the rest of his iced coffee in the trash and stomping away just as the tears began to fall.

He didn’t wait to see Evan’s reaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry!!!!! Just know that it'll probably get better? Eventually?
> 
> Or will it? ;) 
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you've enjoyed the story so far! We're so close to the end, which is super fun. 
> 
> If you want to leave a comment or kudos, that would be cool! I swear I read all of the comments and they're always so sweet, I appreciate it so much!!!


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared makes a friend.

He had fucked up.

Jared realized that about three hours after he got back to his dorm. Thankfully, Rich hadn’t asked many questions and had let him cry in peace, occasionally handing him a tissue.

Once Jared had finally stopped crying, he had felt nothing but guilt for his actions. Why did he always do this? Why did he always manage to hurt Evan? Jared thought he was doing better at actually trying to respect Evan’s feelings and now he had gone and fucked up all over again. Why had Evan even bothered being his friend in the first place?

Because somehow Evan tended to see the good in Jared when there wasn’t any there.

He skipped his classes the next day, which probably wasn’t smart with midterms coming up, but Jared couldn’t be bothered to care. Not only had he ruined his friendship with Evan, he had probably also made his mother upset. Evan wouldn’t have a reason to keep lying for him now, so April probably knew all about how Jared had lied and ended up hurting Evan in the process. He laid in bed most of the day, waiting for a call from her.

Around dinner time, he was surprised by a knock at the door. Had his mother decided to just come yell at him in person? He wouldn’t put it past her. April had every right to be angry, and the Kleinmans were prone to reacting loudly and hastily.

For example: him stupidly calling Evan an asshole, when really Jared was much more deserving of the title and also the worst person on the face of the planet.

Jared didn’t even bother to look more presentable; he just wrapped his comforter around him tightly and opened the door.

“...Alana?” He asked, shoving his glasses further up his nose. The petite girl looked back at him, a small frown on her face.

“Jared,” She replied, pushing past him and sitting down in his desk chair. He moved back to his bed without waiting for her invitation. “You know, you really hurt Evan.”

“I know that.”

Jared hadn’t needed to see Evan’s face to know how he would feel about being called a selfish asshole.

“Connor said that he spent all night and most of today crying.”

The painful ache in his chest tightened, making him feel slightly breathless. _He_ had done that. _He_ had hurt the most important person in his life.

“...But, from the looks of it, that’s what you did too,” Alana continued, observing his puffy eyes and his current state of dress. He was still wearing the same clothes as yesterday; he hadn't felt like changing when he got back to his dorm and he hadn’t made it to the shower yet today.

Jared nodded.

“Well, that’s good then.”

He winced. Now came the fun part. Surely now Alana would remind him of how bad of a person he was, then the Murphys would probably pop out of nowhere and kick his ass. Jared wouldn’t even try to stop them. Really, he would welcome a punch to the face by Connor Murphy right now.

“I mean, that means that you feel remorseful. If you didn’t, I would personally be even more upset with you.”

“I do,” He acknowledged, frowning. “I shouldn’t have said that stuff. It was so stupid."

“Why did you? He said you called him selfish. You and I both know that that isn’t true. He was doing you a favor and then you hurt him.” Crossing her legs, she looked at him expectantly. Her usually understanding brown eyes were piercing, but he couldn’t look away.

“...Because I freaked out.”

“Why did you freak out?” Alana pushed. Jared relented.

“He wanted to talk about us breaking up.”

Eyebrows raising, Alana’s lips parted slightly in shock. It wasn’t often that things surprised Alana, but clearly, Jared’s explanation did. He fidgeted awkwardly, feeling a little too exposed. It made his skin crawl to be studied so closesly; he was sure Alana could see right through him.

“...So you did it?” She asked once she had gotten over her initial shock. “You finally realized you like him?”

Wait, what? No, no, no. Alana had the wrong idea entirely. Jared didn’t like Evan as anything more than a friend. She was completely taking this the wrong way. He shook his head vehemently.

“No, no! It’s...we’re not like that, okay? He likes some other guy. He told me and I guess I got jealous, but not because I like him!” He clarified, earning a pointedly raised eyebrow from Alana. “I got jealous because this guy would replace me as his best friend.”

The palm of Alana’s hand smacked against her forehead as she groaned in frustration.

“Jared, you love him. You’re in love with him. You got jealous because you thought he liked another guy.”

“That’s...that’s insane. I don’t have feelings for him!”

“Jared,” Alana said calmly, trying to be patient with him. “You go on dates with him all the time. You buy him dinner and coffee. You stayed up almost all night helping him finish a project for a class that you know nothing about. You help him feel better when he’s having a bad day. The other day, you actually laughed at one of his tree jokes even though it was absolutely terrible. You’re completely, ridiculously in love with him.”

He wanted to argue because Alana was reading into this the wrong way. Yes, he went out of his way to make sure Evan smiled and okay, yeah, maybe he thought Evan’s smile was really cute and sometimes it gave him butterflies. And sure, maybe Jared really liked it when Evan was laughing at one of his jokes, but that wasn’t because he liked him.

Except it was.

Holy shit.

He was in love with Evan. Jared Kleinman was in love with his best friend, Evan Hansen.

_Holy shit._

Jared was jealous of Thomas because he was in love with Evan. He had stayed up watching cheesy movies with Evan because he wanted him to be happy and to forget about his problems for a bit. His father’s words had bothered him so much because Jared never wanted to hear anyone insult Evan.

“...Oh my god. I’m in love with him.”

“Yes, you are. It certainly took you long enough to realized it,” Alana’s voice snapped him back to the present. Sheepishly, Jared looked at her and pulled his blanket tighter around his shoulders. “Now, how are you planning on fixing things?”

That was a complicated question. Obviously, Jared would have to apologize, but would Evan accept it and forgive him? Had Jared permanently screwed up any chance of Evan liking him back? 

And when would he get the chance to apologize? Assuming that Evan hadn’t ratted him out, their moms would be arriving in the morning and Evan and Jared would be expected to act like a couple, not two friends in the middle of a fight. Jared would have to get to him before then or they would face the wrath of their mothers, which Jared wasn't looking forward to. Also, he really didn’t want Evan to spend another night in his room crying.

“I need to go see him.” Jared stood, throwing his comforter back onto his bed.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but maybe you should shower first?” Alana suggested, eying his wrinkled graphic t-shirt and bedhead.

“...Maybe you’re right.”

“Right, well. I should go and make sure Zoe and Connor aren’t planning your murder currently.” Alana stood, offering him a small smile. “I’m happy for you, though, Jared. I’m glad you finally realized how you feel.”

She moved quickly, throwing her arms around his neck suddenly. Before Jared even had time to realize that she was hugging him, she was shuffling away, her eyes locked on the floor of his dorm room.

“Honestly, it’s filthy in here,” He heard her mumble as she kicked one of his t-shirts under his bed.

“...Thanks, Alana. I mean it. I’m glad we’re friends,” Jared admitted.

Alana's head snapped up and she looked at him with wide eyes. Fidgetting awkwardly, Jared was unsure if he had done yet another thing wrong. Alana coming to talk sense into him didn't necessarily make them friends. Was this the part where she officially kicked him out of their group? 

Then, all at once, she looked at him with a large grin. Jared nervously returned it.

“I am too! I'm glad we're acquain－ _friends_ , too. Now, I’m going to go make sure Evan’s okay. Bye, Jared! Good luck!”

With that, she was gone and Jared was alone again.

He was going to fix things, he just had to take a shower first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this was a sort of short chapter! At least Jared finally realized his feelings, which should mean smooth sailing...right?
> 
> Maybe not.
> 
> But hey, at least Alana and Jared are friends now!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed it, please feel free to comment or leave some kudos.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared learns that life is not a romantic comedy.

If this was a romantic comedy, Jared would have taken the time to dress up and buy Evan flowers as part of his apology. He would have thought out an entire speech to declare his love while putting on cologne and fixing his hair. If this was a romantic comedy, Jared would have ran the entire way to Evan's dorm, throwing rocks at his window until Evan agreed to come down and talk to him. He would have apologized and kissed Evan passionately in the rain, slow dancing to music that wasn’t playing. 

But this wasn’t a romantic comedy.

Jared didn’t have time to dress up or fix his hair; he didn’t write a speech or slow dance with Evan. Jared didn’t get to tell Evan how he felt that night.

Just as he was getting out of the shower, his mother called to go over the plan for tomorrow again and ask for specific directions to get to the closest parking lot to Evan’s dorm, where they had all agreed to meet. Strangely enough, it ended up being close by the dorm Heidi and April had stayed in when they went to college here twenty-some odd years ago. April’s first college boyfriend had even stayed in the same building Evan now occupied, which led to a funny story about April and Heidi sneaking in one night to saran wrap his door shut after they caught him cheating on April. Apparently, security was a lot laxer back then.

One thing led to another, and soon Jared was caught up in a long conversation with his mother. It was nice to talk to her in depth; Jared had gotten a lot closer to his mother after going off to college. When Jared was in high school, things were considerably strained between them. Jared liked his secrets and April was usually too tired after a long day of working at the vet clinic to try and pry any information out of him. Back then, they were content with quick meals together, just going over the basics. Now, though, they were pretty close.

Talking to her tonight actually made him feel worse for lying to her. But he couldn’t come clean, not yet at least.

He did tell her about the phone call with his dad, though.

“I can’t believe he had the nerve to call you and insult your boyfriend!” April fumed. Through the phone, Jared could hear her angrily washing dishes in the sink. The plates clinked together so loudly, he wondered if she had broken one.

“Yeah, well. He’s a dick, Mom.”

“Don’t call your father a dick, Jerry,” She paused, the dishes going silent.

“Sorry.”

“He’s trying. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but he cares. But insulting Evan is entirely out of line and I’m going to call him and tell him so as soon as we hang up.”

Sighing, Jared nodded and rubbed at his eyes sleepily. He realized that it was getting late; April should just wait and call him in the morning.

But she would be driving up here in the morning! How had Jared forgotten to go find Evan?

“Hey, Ma? I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I forgot that I was supposed to meet Evan,” lied Jared, biting his lip.

“Jerry, it’s almost eleven! I know you two are young, but it’s way too late to go hang out. Both of you need to get more sleep. I swear, you’re going to get sick if you don’t start taking better care of yourself－”

“Mom, I’m not sick. I feel fine! I need to go talk to him. Love you, see you tomorrow,” He rushed, hanging up quickly before she could say anything further.

His phone lit up just as he was about to put it back in his pocket. At first, he assumed it was his mother calling back to yell about him hanging up on her, but he was instead greeted by a picture of Rich’s face when he glanced at the screen.

“Hello?” He answered, confused as to what his roommate needed at this time of night.

“Jared! Buddy! M’dude!”

 _“Michael?”_ He could hear someone hiccup in the background. It sounded suspiciously like Jeremy Heere, Michael’s boyfriend.

“How’s it hanging?”

“Why are you calling me on Rich’s phone?” Jared asked, ignoring the question. The sounds of angry yelling could be heard faintly, along with someone screaming quite a bit of colorful profanity.

“Shit, dude! How did you not see that?!” Michael laughed, his voice sounding further away. “Oh, right. Sorry. I just wanted to let you know that Rich is currently drunk off his ass and therefore will not be coming home tonight.”

“Oh my god,” Jared couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped him. Well, at least one of them was having a good night.

“He’s getting his ass kicked at Mario Kart right now or he would have called.”

“Ahh, alright then. Well, I hope you guys all have fun. Tell Jeremy and Jake I said hi.”

“Jared says hi.”

“HI JARED!” Jake’s excited voice could be heard loudly despite the fact that Jared was sure he wasn't holding the phone currently.

“Alright. Night bro!”

“Night.”

Grimacing as he glanced at his watch, Jared realized sadly that it was in fact now a little too late to go and make any sweeping declarations of love tonight.

He would just have to get to Evan’s dorm a little early and talk to him before their mothers arrived.

When he checked the time on his cell phone the next morning, he realized that probably would not happen. Jared, being the heavy sleeper that he was, had set a few different alarms to make sure he got out of bed in the mornings and had managed to sleep through the first three. Now he only had twenty minutes to shower, change, and walk to Evan’s dorm, which was manageable, but meant that he wouldn’t have any extra time to try to make things right.

Well fuck.

After speeding through his morning routine, Jared walked as quickly as he could to Evan’s dorm. Unfortunately for him, he arrived just in time to see Evan hugging Heidi while April scanned the surrounding area for him.

“Jerry!” The petite brunette called, waving him over as he came into view. Jared jogged the rest of the way, smiling briefly as he hugged his mother. She was several inches shorter than him, but they looked fairly similar. Same eyes, same hair color, same face shape. The only thing Jared had gotten from his father was his nose and height.

“Hey, Mom. Heidi,” He greeted as Evan’s mother pulled him into a hug as well.

Jared had always liked Heidi. Despite having so much on her plate, she had always made an effort to be kind and supportive of Evan, which was more than Evan’s father ever did. Jared had admired her resilience and dedication to her son when his dad left; she put her own life on hold to work and take care of Evan without a second thought. When Evan first started going to therapy and went on medication for his anxiety and depression, Heidi did everything she could to be there for him and check in on how he was feeling. She might have struggled with balancing that as he got older, but it was clear to Jared that everything Heidi did, she did for Evan.

“Can I talk to Evan for a second?” Jared asked after stepping away from the blonde. She and April looked at him curiously, but Evan didn’t seem surprised by the question. He was busy studying his faded sneakers.

“...Right now? Jare, we just got here!” April insisted, crossing her arms.

“It’s important, Mom,” Jared said honestly, his eyes not leaving the boy he had realized he was in love with hours before.

“Just be quick, okay? We’ve got a busy day planned, don’t we, Evan?” Heidi rubbed Evan’s arm, trying to get him to perk up a bit. Concern flashed across her face when he didn’t do more than attempt a half-hearted nod, but she didn’t question it. “Come on, April. Let's go look at our old dorm."

With that, Jared was left alone with Evan finally. Here was his big chance to fix everything and confess his feelings for Evan. Hopefully, he and Evan wouldn’t even really have to lie to their mothers today. They would actually be together and－

“What...what do you want?” Evan asked, finally looking up. His large blue eyes were red-rimmed, and the bags underneath were still present. Jared’s chest tightened.

“I need to apologize. I’m such an idiot.”

“Well, you’re not wrong.”

Jared grinned at Evan’s response. If he still felt comfortable enough around Jared to be sassy, then maybe there was a good chance that Evan actually would forgive him.

“...I deserve that. I’m sorry for everything, Evan, honestly,” He ran a hand through his still-drying hair and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I dragged you into this mess. I’m sorry I called you selfish when I was the one being a jerk and asking so much of you. You agreed to help me and instead of thanking you for that, I just got pissed and snapped. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did...so, I’m sorry.”

“It’s...well, it isn’t okay, but I-I think I understand? Um, I just...you know I hate when you yell at me. It was...that was really mean of you. If you’re upset with me in the future or anything, uh, please tell me what I did wrong instead of calling me an asshole and leaving.”

Wincing, Jared nodded. Evan still thought part of the blame was on him, which only made Jared feel even shittier. He had messed up, not Evan. That was probably why Evan wanted Thomas instead of him.

Oh.

 _Oh._ He had forgotten about that. As soon as the thought flashed through his head, Jared came crashing back to reality. He couldn’t confess his feelings to Evan! Evan was going to be happy with someone else; Jared couldn’t ruin that. He had fucked up enough as it was.

“...I won’t. I mean I will! If I’m mad at you. But, um, I’m not. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m serious. This was all on me,” Jared crossed his arms, feeling more vulnerable that he would have liked. Evan still didn’t look convinced, though. “Evan, this wasn’t your fault. It was mine.”

“But we could have...it was me who brought up breaking up, which made you mad. And then I pushed it when you...you didn’t want to talk about it but I pushed it. So. It was my fault.”

“No, Evan. I yelled at you. I called you selfish. I said _‘fuck you.’_ None of this was your fault,” Jared stepped closer, putting his hands on Evan’s shoulders. They were too tense － Evan was hunched over and trying to hide and Jared didn’t want that. “I promise. I’m absolutely not mad at you. I’m mad at myself, okay? If I could take it all back, I would. If you want me to tell them everything, I will. If you want to call everything off, I’m not going to be upset. Just...don’t blame yourself, okay?”

Evan stared at him, his lips parted slightly. Okay, so, now wasn’t the time to be looking at Evan’s lips, Jared. _He’s not into you! He’s got Thomas._ _Hesnotintoyouhesnotintoyouhesnotintoyou._

“If...if you’re sure. Okay. Um, alright. I forgive you,” Evan finally mumbled, giving Jared a small smile. It made Jared’s knees a little weak, which was so totally gay, he almost wanted to punch himself. God, he was so in love.

“And we don’t have to tell them. We’ve...they drove all the way here, let’s just go along with it.”

“Alright, Ev. It’s your call,” He said, nodding his head. Evan cautiously reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together. His heart felt like it was going to burst from his chest and it took everything in him not to blush because _fuck,_ Jared Kleinman didn’t blush. Not even if he was a lovesick mess.

“Ready to go?” Heidi asked as they approached, grinning when she spotted their hands linked.

“Awww, we should take pictures!” April insisted. Jared frowned, rolling his eyes at his mother’s overbearing nature. In the end, she got her way as first Evan and Jared posed for a few pictures, then April and Heidi, Heidi and Evan, and finally, Jared and April.

“Don’t we have a tight schedule?” Jared asked after the fifth picture of him with his arm wrapped around his mother’s shoulders. Heidi, who was snapping away with April’s phone, nodded and reluctantly handed the cell back over.

“What’s first on the agenda?”

While April and Heidi began discussing lunch options, Jared took Evan’s hand again. Okay, so maybe it was a little selfish of him, but if today was the only day he got to be physically affectionate with Evan without it bothering the other boy, then Jared was going to take advantage of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am selfish and included a tipsy Michael Mell for my own sake, sorry. 
> 
> So...yeah. Life can't always work out perfectly, and sometimes things happen. And, ya know, pining is one of the tags.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feel free to leave a comment or kudos if you want to :)


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once upon a time, Jared and Evan were happy.

After finally coming to an agreement on where to eat lunch, Heidi had driven them all to a small diner a few miles away from campus. Thankfully, most of the other people participating in Family Weekend had gone to nicer restaurants closer to campus, allowing them to be seated in one of the worn, held-together-by-duct-tape-and-a-prayer vinyl booths quickly. After they had ordered, April turned to the fake couple, a large grin on her face.

“So, tell us how you got together,” She prompted, leaning forward on her elbows.

“Uh, well...I asked Evan out. I realized a few months ago that I liked him,” Jared explained, the lie feeling sour in his mouth suddenly. He wanted to tell his mother the truth － he had realized the day before that he was in love with his best friend － but he didn’t think that would go over so well since he hadn't even told Evan that bit of information.

“And you just had to tell him?” April guessed. Nodding weakly, Jared bit his lip.

“Yeah, exactly.”

“What about you, Evan? When did you realize you had feelings for Jerry?”

Evan glanced at him quickly before ducking his head, a small blush on his face. It was really cute. How had Jared ever thought that Evan looked gross when he blushed?

Fuck. He needed to stop thinking about how cute Evan was and focus on acting like his boyfriend. Because  _holy shit_ , Evan was a fantastic actor. How had Jared never noticed that before? Evan's feelings were coming across as really believable, which only made Jared's chest hurt. A part of him wanted to believe that maybe this could be real － maybe Evan actually _could_ return Jared's feelings － but, he knew deep down that that wasn't the case. So, he grinned and beared it, hoping he too was coming across as a happy, loving boyfriend.

“It was the...When I first started school a few months. I, um, we had spent so much time together last year and over the summer and, you know, we were close. But then we got back and with classes and stuff, I didn’t see him as much. It was...it was really hard.”

Heidi leaned across the table to pat his hand comfortingly.

“Well, at least you got together! That’s all that matters, right?” She smiled. Jared wanted her positive attitude to cheer him up, but, well...it didn’t. It hurt a little to know that she would be gushing over Thomas in a few weeks, probably discussing how much better than Jared he was.

“Oh, honey. I’m so happy for you!” Heidi continued, squeezing Evan’s hand. That earned her an awkward smile from him. Jared noticed it didn’t meet his eyes.

“Oh...great. Thanks, Mom,” He mumbled, pulling his hand away to take a sip of his water.

“I remember back when you two used to play in the backyard together. You would climb that old tree and play together in Jared’s treehouse for hours. I used to have to bribe you to come down, Evan,” April reminisced; she was lost in thought for a moment before a huge grin slid onto her face. “...Oh my god! Remember when they got married?”

Heidi’s eyes widened, a loud laugh escaping her lips. Taking a quick sip of her soda, she nodded.

“Oh my god. You were so little! I think Evan got the idea from watching _The Little Mermaid_ so often. That was your favorite, remember?” Evan only nodded, his face a dark shade of red. “You said you wanted your  _'Happily Ever After,'_   like Ariel."

"That's right! I remember that you called him Prince Jared in your vows," April reminded, looking back and forth between Evan and her son.

"And you both insisted on dressing up in your nicest clothes. Oh, and Evan made me pick some of the flowers from our flowerbed!”

“Jared proposed with a Ring Pop,” April interjected.

"I think I still have a video of it! I'll look for it when I get home."

Gripping the bottom of the booth tightly, Jared wished for the ground to disappear under him. Jared had thought he could sit through an afternoon pretending to be Evan’s boyfriend, but he definitely couldn’t. Not if it meant hearing cute stories about them from childhood and knowing that deep down, they didn’t really mean anything. One day Evan wouldn’t even think about him anymore; he would just be some kid with a Ring Pop and a tree house. Evan would fall in love with someone else and forget all about him.

No, he couldn’t think about that right now. He needed to snap out of his pity party and get a grip.

"Well, if you find it, I want a copy," April laughed.

“C’mon, Mom,” He whined, moving his hands back to the table and faking a smile. “Stop embarrassing me in front of my boyfriend.”

“...Fine, but just wait. Over Thanksgiving, Evan will get to see all your baby pictures!”

Thanksgiving? They expected them to be together at Thanksgiving? Well, they were sorely mistaken. Jared and Evan would be done by the end of the week.

“You wouldn’t dare,” He scowled, his eyes narrowing.

“Jare-Bear, it’s like you don’t even know me,” His mother cackled, grinning mischievously at him. Jared knew in his heart that she was right － April would definitely show Evan all of Jared’s baby pictures if given the chance. It was a good thing then that she wouldn't have the opportunity; she couldn't show his boyfriend his baby pictures if he didn't have a boyfriend.

Sighing, he crossed his arms and leaned back against the booth.

“You’re the worst.”

“I think you mean _the best._ ”

So maybe he had gotten some of his overly confident attitude from her after all.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the afternoon had gone well. Thankfully, his mother had laid off on the embarrassing stories from their childhood and they had discussed classes, midterms, and their friends instead. Evan had told Heidi and April about Jared helping him with his project, which they both found adorable. Heidi had thanked him personally for that, which had only made Jared feel worse about the fact that he and Evan were lying to her about everything else.

Despite the fact that Family Weekend should theoretically take place over two days, Heidi and April had to go back Saturday night. Heidi had a shift the next day and April had plans to visit her mother then since she had missed her weekly visit today.

“I just wanted to say thank you,” Heidi said quietly, pulling him into a hug while Evan was talking to April. “...This is horrible of me to admit, but I never...I didn’t know if Evan would ever find someone who treated him so well. So, thank you for loving my son and making him happy.”

It felt like all the air had left his lungs. Heidi would definitely hate him when he and Evan staged their break up. There wouldn’t be any way to get around that now that she had said all of that.

“It’s not...I’m not that great. Don’t－” Jared protested weakly.

“Jared, take the compliment,” She pulled away and looked at him sternly. “I know things haven’t always been great between you and Evan, but I also know that deep down, you’re one of the most loyal people I’ve ever met. I know you’d do anything for him. Which is why I’m trusting you to not break his heart.”

It was a little late for that. Jared almost wanted to tell her that Evan had spent the last two days locked in his room crying because of Jared. Maybe then she would see that he wasn’t good enough for Evan. But, part of what she had said was true － Jared would do anything for Evan. Even before he realized he loved him romantically, Jared would have done anything to make sure Evan was happy.

“...Thanks, Heidi. I do care about him a lot.”

She nodded, squeezing his shoulder once before moving on to hug Evan again. Before long, April and Heidi were pulling away in Heidi’s old Honda Civic, driving back towards their hometown and leaving Evan and Jared alone once again.

“So, um...I think that went pretty well?” Evan said, watching his mother’s car until it was out of sight. Nodding, Jared pushed his glasses further up his nose.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Do you want to, um, watch a movie? Or something?”

Jared would love nothing more than to grab Evan’s hand, drag him back to his dorm and curl up and watch a shitty movie with him. He could see them now, cuddled up to one another － he would lazily play with Evan’s hair while the blond boy laughed at the terrible special effects and cheesy one-liners. They would fall asleep with Evan’s head on his chest and when he woke up in the morning, Evan would still be there.

The image made his stomach churn. That would never happen.

“...No, sorry. I need to finish up some homework,” He lied, trying to smile reassuringly at Evan. Frowning, the other boy nodded and bit his lip.

“Oh, um...yeah. Of course. Bye, Jared.”

And with that, Jared was alone outside of Evan’s dorm, cringing at the fact that he couldn’t even hang out with Evan anymore because it was too painful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea of Jared proposing with a Ring Pop belongs to @pajama-cats on Tumblr! She's also written some amazing Kleinsen one-shots and a short road trip au on here as pajama_cats, which you should totally check out!!!
> 
> Thank you for reading the second-to-last chapter! If you enjoyed it, feel free to leave a comment or a kudos :)


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared and Evan finally watch that movie.

“You can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing what?” He asked, not even bothering to look up from his textbook.

“Avoiding Evan. This needs to stop,” Alana said sternly, crossing her arms. Her lips were pursed and her eyes were narrowed.

“I’m not avoiding Evan!”

“Dude, you haven’t left our room in days. I love you, but this is getting annoying.”

“Not helping, Rich.” Jared snapped, glaring at his roommate who sighed and returned to his laptop.

Rich was right, though. Since Saturday, Jared had been hiding out in their shared dorm room. He left for food and classes, but he had skipped out on any group activity that his friends had planned. It was easy enough to blame it all on studying for midterms, but they would be over soon. He wouldn’t be able to use that excuse for forever. Plus, Rich was an understanding guy, but he was getting tired of never getting to hang out in their room without Jared there.

“I don’t understand why you won’t just tell him how you feel,” Alana interjected with a sigh.

“Because he doesn’t feel the same way!”

That earned a snort from Rich, who glanced back up at him and Alana.

“I’ve only known you both for two months and even I know that isn’t true.”

“Thank you, Richard,” Alana smiled, nodding in agreement. “Jared, Evan’s head over heels for you. He has been for awhile.”

“He told me he likes some other guy,” Jared reminded Alana of their earlier conversation when he realized his feelings. Jared could be a jerk most of the time, but even he knew that Evan deserved to be happy. If Jared just confessed his feelings to him, Evan would probably feel bad about having to let him down and Jared didn’t want that. 

“Zoe told me that Evan’s liked you for months. I know you’re frightened of being rejected, but trust me. You won’t be.”

Even if that was true, Evan still deserved someone better than him. Jared could be cruel and awful, and he never opened up to anyone. He was a mess and an asshole and Evan could do so much better.

Jared shook his head, his eyes returning to his textbook.

“Alana, it’s not going to happen. Just drop － _hey!”_

The book was snatched out of his hands by an angry Alana. He sighed and rubbed at his eyes underneath his glasses, accepting that he wouldn’t get any studying done until Alana left.

“Jared, you’re in love with Evan! Just tell him!”

“...What?”

All three people in the room jumped, heads jerking swiftly to look at the door. Standing there wearing an unreadable expression was none other than Evan Hansen. His hands shook, his eyes were dark, and his mouth was open. Jared felt a sense of pure panic take over his body, his throat going dry as he watched sixteen years of friendship go down the drain.

“I should...I should go,” Alana finally said, awkwardly placing Jared’s textbook down on his desk and fleeing the room as quickly as possible. Rich jumped up, grabbing his laptop and following behind her.

“Later, bro,” He mumbled over his shoulder as he pushed past Evan, who still hadn’t moved.

Stumbling to his feet, Jared’s hands balled into fists. He tried to prepare himself for the inevitable － Evan telling him he didn’t feel the same way, Evan crying, Evan leaving and never coming back. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this; he was supposed to avoid Evan for a little while longer and get over his feelings. He was supposed to stay friends with Evan at the very least.

When it became obvious that Evan wasn’t immediately running away, Jared took a step closer.

“Look, you weren’t supposed to hear that. Obviously. Alana’s crazy. I know that we aren’t like that and I would never want to do anything that would fuck up our friendship because you’re really important to me. So, we can just all pretend this never happened and－”

“...You love me?” Evan asked quietly, fully stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him.

He could deny it and keep pretending like he didn’t have romantic feelings for Evan. Jared could brush it off and things could maybe go back to normal, or at least Evan could leave without being upset with him. They could put this behind them and fake their break up; Evan could start dating Thomas and Jared could suck it up and be there for him. All he had to do was lie and say that no, he didn’t love Evan.

But Evan wasn’t running away, or at least he hadn’t yet. Jared still had no idea what he was thinking, but he was still in Jared’s room and he was waiting for an answer. When it came down to it, Jared couldn’t lie anymore. He had done more than enough of that already.

“Yes,” He admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You’re... _in love_ with me?” Evan repeated, looking like he didn’t believe Jared. That broke his heart. Did Evan really think Jared would lie about that? Jared was a dick, but he would never tell someone he loved them if he didn’t mean it.

“Yes. I’m in love with you. And I get that you don’t feel the same way, and that’s completely－”

He was cut off by Evan’s lips on his. During Jared’s explanation, Evan had quickly crossed the room and thrown his arms around Jared’s neck, pulling the shorter boy close. Their noses bumped awkwardly and Jared’s glasses pressed uncomfortably against his face, but he didn’t care about any of that. He didn’t even notice it. But before he could properly reciprocate, Evan was stepping back and looking guilty.

“S-Sorry, I didn’t...I should have asked, but like－”

Jared loved Evan and normally would be completely alright with listening to him ramble on about something, but right now, he just wanted to kiss him. So he did. Grabbing the front of Evan’s hoodie, Jared yanked him closer. Curling his fists tightly in the soft material, Jared's lips were on Evan’s before he could even finish his sentence. Evan’s hands shook as they cupped Jared’s cheeks once he realized what was happening. Their foreheads bumped occasionally, but neither minded as they stood there kissing for what felt like hours.

Finally, Evan had to pull away, breathing heavily like he had been running a marathon. His eyes were even darker, and his hair was now a little messy thanks to Jared’s hands, which had wandered up there during their kiss. Jared had never found him more attractive.

“Oh, um...I love you too, obviously.”

Jared laughed breathlessly, his forehead coming down to rest against Evan’s shoulder. God, Evan was adorable and Jared loved him dearly.

“Oh, good. That’s good.”

“Yeah,” Evan finally laughed himself, making Jared look back up at him. Both boys stood like that for a minute, just enjoying being close to one another and coming to terms with the fact that the other loved them back. Finally letting go of Evan, Jared moved to fix his glasses. They had been knocked askew thanks to Evan’s nose.

“Remember...remember the trip to the beach? On the Fourth of July?” Evan said after a few minutes, fully regaining Jared’s attention.  
  
He nodded. Of course Jared remembered. That was his cover story for when he began liking Evan, after all.  
  
“Um, you wanted to go back and beat the traffic but, um, I wanted to...I wanted to see the fireworks, right? So you stayed because I wanted to do that. You didn’t even complain, or anything. You stayed because it made me happy.”  
  
He remembered that now. It hadn’t seemed like a big deal at the time; Evan had wanted to see the mediocre, crappy fireworks so Jared had stayed. Besides, being stuck in traffic on the ride back wouldn’t be so bad if it meant listening to Evan ramble happily about the fireworks.  
  
“And um...the fireworks. They were really pretty.”

Of course Evan had liked them. They were shitty, half-assed fireworks put on by some yacht club, but he could still remember Evan’s wide-eyed look of amazement as red, green, and blue streaked across the sky. The blue had made his eyes shine brighter; it had made Jared want to watch Evan instead of the stupid fireworks.  
  
“They were really pretty, Jared. But, um, you were － you were prettier. Um, on the ride back? When you kept telling jokes? Not the mean sort of jokes you used to tell － but actual funny ones? Um, you...you kept looking at me when I laughed, but not in a _‘wow, your laugh is really terrible, you should shut up,’_ kind of way. Like, you looked happy that I was laughing at your jokes. And that was, um...that was when I _knew_. I knew I liked you and wanted to hold you hand and be with you.”

Jared’s chest had never felt warmer. There wasn’t anything he could do but smile because _Jesus,_ that was the most romantic thing anyone had ever said to him. And it was _Evan_ that was saying it; Evan Hansen, who he was in love with.

“...But what about Thomas?” He blurted out, needing to know the answer. It might ruin the moment a little bit, but Jared had to know if Evan still liked the other guy.

“...Wait, um what...what _about_ Thomas?” Evan looked at him like he had grown a second head.

“You wanted us to break up so that you could date him. You brought up one of us liking someone else,” Jared reminded him. Blinking in surprise, Evan let out a small, nervous laugh.

“Jared, I didn’t say that because of Thomas. He’s...that guy is mean. I, um, I brought that up because...because…”

“Because why?”

“Your dad doesn’t like me and I don’t know why and that bothers me and one day you’re not going to like me either, you're going to like some other guy and then I won't matter and－” Evan rushed, avoiding eye contact as his face turned red.

“Evan!” Jared grabbed his hands, which had begun clutching the hem of his hoodie. “I’m in love with _you._ Obviously. I don’t give a fuck about my stupid dad’s stupid opinions.”

Not looking entirely convinced, Evan’s hands began to feel sweaty against Jared’s. He was biting his lip and looking anywhere but at Jared’s face.

“...Why would I care about what he thinks?” Jared asked gently, stepping closer. “He wasn’t around a lot after he left. You were, even when I was an asshole. _You_ were the one who played video games with me to get me to cheer up. _You_ came to my Mathletes competitions, even though the team sucked and lost every single time. _You_ supported me becoming a Game Design major and never once did you tell me it was a waste of time, or that I would never be good enough. If you think for one second that I’m going to listen to him, then you’re wrong. I love you.”

Evan kissed him again, letting go of his hands to pull him closer. Smiling into the kiss, Jared ran his hands up and down Evan’s back, causing him to shiver.

“I love you, too.”

“I know,” Jared laughed as Evan lightly shoved him. He rolled his eyes affectionately at Jared, who could only grin in response.

"But, Evan...you never have to worry about me leaving you for someone else. It's you, okay? You're who I want to be with. No one else is going to change that."

Evan blushed a deep crimson, smiling shyly back at it. 

“I guess we were both insecure idiots who were afraid to tell the truth,” Jared added a few seconds later. Nodding in response, Evan sat down on Jared’s unmade bed. Without waiting for him to say anything, Jared sat down beside him.

“That’s not...we should probably, um, try to stop that.”

“If this is going to work, we both need to be honest,” Jared agreed. "Which means, we should probably come clean and tell our moms the truth now.”

“I’d like that. It would be nice to not...to not lie to my mom anymore.”

Jared nodded in agreement, leaning back against the wall beside his bed and letting his legs hand over the side. It would be nice to tell April and Heidi the truth. They might be mad initially, but at least they would eventually get over it and forgive them. Besides, everything had worked out well in the end. Jared and Evan could really be together now; there wouldn’t be any more lies or secrets involved.

“That can wait, though. Rich will probably end up staying with Jake after all that, which means we’ll have the room to ourselves,” Jared smirked, wiggling his eyebrows. Grabbing Jared’s pillow, Evan wacked him lightly with it.

“We literally _just_ got together. At least buy me dinner first.”

Laughing, Jared nodded.

“I was just suggesting an innocent, PG-13 movie night with sour gummy worms and popcorn. Get your mind out of the gutter, Hansen.”

Evan blushed, laughing awkwardly as he leaned against Jared.

“...Or we could do _that._ I mean, I have bought you dinner in the past,” Jared grinned, earning another pillow to the face. “Fine. Movie and snacks it is.”

They would have to confess everything to their mothers eventually. In the morning, Jared and Evan would have to sort it all out and probably have a long discussion about their relationship in general. But for now, they would be happy with watching a bad movie on Jared’s laptop while cuddling.

Evan ended up asleep on Jared’s chest; he didn’t even mind it when the blond began to drool. Instead, Jared fell asleep that night with a smile on his face, happier than he had felt in ages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thank you so much for reading all of this! I hope you enjoyed reading it just as much as I enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> Once again, a huge thank you to the amazing @pajama-cats on Tumblr. I couldn't have done any of this without your support and kind words. You're the best, friend <3
> 
> And again, thank you to the people who have read and left nice comments. I love reading them; they all brighten my day :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! I hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> The title comes from Flaws by Bastille, which is such a Kleinsen song to me.
> 
> Special thanks to the wonderful @pajama-cats on Tumblr for helping with ideas and all of her support in general! 
> 
> If you have any questions or if you want to talk about this or one of my other stories, feel free to message me at @lost-in-the-in-between on Tumblr or comment below. Thanks again!


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